Well, damn!

Wow. Has it really been almost a whole year since the last time I blogged? That's crazy. I went back and read some of those posts and had to laugh at myself, lol. All this talk about me being concerned with graduating high school, and dealing with my relationship issues - and look at me now. Heh, now I have a whole different set of things to deal with. I wonder what kind of things I'll be dealing with another year from now; what kind of issues will come to cross my path. That'll be interesting. Well, hopefully I'll come back here and blog about it, lol.

So much has happened since the last time I was here it's ridiculous. I'd be typing for days trying to get all of it down here. Lately though, my.. I guess, "Love Life" has been an - interesting one. But again, I'm not even sure If I can call it a Love Life. Somebody who I thought I had a promising future with turned out to be nothing more than another disappointment... I was for sure this time that some how we were going to work it out, and eventually be this amazing duet. But I've learned that I have to let go of that situation. My high school days are over, and I realized that I have to let go of my high school dreams. I don't know. Love is a strange thing, but love isn't always enough - this was a clear example of that. My trust had been abused to the point that I don't think it could be repaired. I forgive, but I don't forget. And with that, I have to walk away.

Now I've done this whole single thing for about a year now as well. Well, the whole 'single but not single' thing. And I think I'm starting to get sick of it. I'm getting to the point now where I'm feeling myself want to be apart of something more than some.. 'thing' I can never give a name to. I've done that enough, and I think I'm done with it. The only thing is, I'm afraid I've already gotten myself back in the same situation that promises failure in the first place. I don't want to be that girl that demands this, and demands that, but I can't help how I feel. I'm wanting someone to call my own. I haven't felt this way in such a long time that it's weird to even think about. College is so complicated though. Especially since I'm here most of the time, but gone for 3 months straight in the summertime. Sometimes I want to just pull my hair out, lol. I'm being such a girl right now, and this shit is gay. I really, really don't know what to do with myself. I want something that's mine, and all mine. No if, ands, or buts. Maybe this whole thing is just a phase. I am a girl. And half the time, I don't know what I really want.

Ha.