So, I've decided that this is the night that I will blog. I'm doing too much personal thinking not to. That's no fun - thinking about so much stuff and keeping it to myself is it? So much has been going on it doesn't make any sense, but then again, when is there ever NOTHING going on in my life?
Besides the fact that I think I've been having anxiety attacks, life has been pretty bitter sweet along with many mixed emotions. I have no idea how to have been feeling lately. Somethings at first seem like something to celebrate about, and then suddenly, it's another thing to cry about. When will this madness end? This last month of my high school year is really turning out to be something else, man. I try not to come on here complaining, but, alas - this is always what it ends up turning into. Maybe I'll have an all around good post soon, maybe.
So much about life is confusing, and making decisions on things you barely understand are even more confusing. You make decisions, and do things, and then wonder if it's something that you really should have done in the first place. If you don't, you're always stuck wondering what if you did - and if you do, you're left thinking what if you didn't. That's how I've been feeling lately. Wondering how I feel about some of the decisions I've made in my past, and as of lately. Once they're done, they're done. There's no going back. That part probably sucks the most. People say you can only learn from your mistakes, but what if it's one of those things that only happen once in life? What if its something you don't get an opportunity to make up for? Then what am I supposed to do? Hmm.
I get so upset when I think about how great somethings could have been. I wish certain things weren't so out of my control. It always seems like the things that you want so much to control, are the very things we probably shouldn't be able to control. Who knows what havoc a person could cause because of an abuse of control. But life is so that. Full of things out of our control. But I guess too that makes life what it is. What fun is falling in love, if you can control when it happens, and with who it happens with?
I miss him so much - the old him.
I graduate in 28 days.
Monday, May 11, 2009
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1 comment:
awe goodness, baby is all grown up. graduating any day now! pshh.
and ugh, i feel like you feel exactly like i do. I couldn't have worded it better myself. I don't really know what to leave in this comment, because so much of what you said would be exactly what I would say... and I mean, how is there any way to respond to that?!
i<3u.
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