breath of fresh air.

You are exactly what I need right now, and I hope you stay exactly what I want you to be.

This process can be soooo nerve racking. The beginning. Everything is expected to go smooth, and work out the best way it's supposed to. I will admit, I'm still apprehensive about what's to come. What if things change, what if things don't end up being what how I want them to be in the future? The truth is - I'm terrified, but for once in a while, I'm willing to take the risk. I feel like, I'm minutes away from performing a symphony or something, and adrenaline is pumping like blood through my veins. Ugh, lol - this is ROUGH. I feel so dependent, now. Before, I could at anytime say, "Fuck this, I'm not even going to get involved with it". But now things have changed, and he has a say so with how I feel. Dependence is touch, especially when you're not used to it. I guess we'll see how ready I am, won't we?

Everyone's talking about how happy they are for me, and I'm feeling a little bit like they're jinxing me, lol. Bullshit, right? But I can't help but to feel paranoid. I havent's blogged about him until now, specifically because of the fact that every time I blog about a guy I like, something goes wrong. Should I even be typing now? I probably shouldn't, but I'm willing to try. Please don't let this be suicide. It's already seeming too good to be true, can I for once keep this good thing?

My mind is working in overdrive, and my face hurts more and more daily from all the smiling. I told him he causes me pain, and to stop making me smile. :( He doesn't listen. His kisses are like freaking hot chocolate in the winter time. His massages work like magic, and his personality is one of a DORK! UGH, he makes me feel soooo GAY! You know what, I'm done, LMAO.


Fuck this cake shit, yo.