Today might have been one of the most influential days of my life.
I won't tell exactly why, because its not something I'm ready to put out there right now, but just know, something that happened today changed me for a long time, I think.
Besides that, I cried twice in school today, weird right? I never let people in school see me cry, but today was a bit different. In class today we were talking about Gay, Lesbian, and Bi-Sexual people. Pretty much the whole sha-bang. Homosexual sex, relationships and all that. Then, the topic of how some people go through life changing things that happen to them earlier in life like rape, that may change a person's sexual preference. Well, there it was. One of the girls in my class (who everyone knows to be a lesbian) let it out - she had been raped by her stepfather. That was pretty much it for me, her, and every other girl in my class. Even the dudes fell silent. She was crying sooo hard, and I felt sooo bad for her. She was explaining how she felt like she has had to force herself on females, because she was turned off, and afraid of males doing something like that to her. Shes felt bad because she's constantly going back and forth with herself about her sexual preference, and doesn't want people to think she's just another "trend following" girl, who goes back and forth through gay and straight because it's "what's going on". But recently, she's just got into a relationship with another boy from our school, whom she trusts, and she says she knows that she can trust him. The guy she's with now is such a sweetheart too, and I'm really happy for her.
I almost passed out today, too. I swear it felt like I was walking around school with a giant rubber band around my chest. It was hard to breathe, and I could hardly stand up, scary right?
Mykel had to practically lead me down the steps to lunch.
My mom says she wants me to apply for 10 scholarships a week, starting this week. If not, she's not letting me go anywhere for that weekend - I'm pretty avid about it. I need the money, and what better way to get me to do something that I really need to do, that I'm not doing, then by threatening me? Lol. I think it's pretty tactful. If we keep this up, I should have shit loads of money by this time next year. It's time to get serious about this, and not wait to the last minute like a lot of my other 08` friends are doing that are graduating this year. I can't wait.
Again, I've been thinking about my daddy. I promise you you have no idea how much I miss him. It's crazy. He needs to bring his hulk hogan looking tail back home, asap. I know my mom misses him too, even though sometimes she acts like she doesn't. It'll be really nice If they decided to get back together and get re-married. They might as well.. I can't see either of them with anybody else but each other. Definitely not my mother. Every boyfriend she's had since her and my father got divorced got Hell from me. No, no. China doesn't play that. You not bout to mess around with my mother, and think you and me are about to be close. I have one daddy, and thats all. Don't need a step-father, thanks.
Oh, and me and Fats, haven't talked in 2 days. What did I tell you? He went extra hard on me the other day because he embarrassed himself, and tried to throw some shit in my face because he was pissed that he did something else. So, I'm kind of ignoring him for the moment, and I'm not making any plans to talk to him anytime soon. Eh.. I'm ignoring a few of you guys for the moment, btw. I need to separate myself from some of you guys, like really. You're throwing me off focus. I've already done enough throwing off by myself, I really don't need any extra help, so yea. That's what it is right now.
I'm so tired, it's retarded. I'm going to sleep now.
-Turns on Sade' playlist-
Until another day, peace.
Ai
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