maybe.

Jay told me I needed to hurry up and post so you guys wouldn't be able to see my nakedness anymore. Sorry, Jay.


You know what? Getting emotionally involved with people sucks. Did you know that? No? Okay, well, I'm telling you. I knew this already though. I knew the chances I was taking when I decided to get involved in this. Soooo, it's my fault, right? I knew. I knew it all. And guess what else? I'm paying the price of it all. Sometimes I wish I didn't care, you know? Like, have you ever just wanted to not care about something so that it wouldn't bother you? Yea, caring sucks too. I wish I could be as nonchalant as you are. Then, I wouldn't care, and nothing would bother me. I wish things were like they were before, you know, back before I even knew who you were, because then, I wouldn't care, because I wouldn't know you. But I know you, and it bothers me. Maybe I care too much? Maybe I want too much? What do you think? Maybe I'm asking too much? Maybe I'm some insane female, who asks for the world and everything beyond that? Maybe you're not obligated to give me any of what I want? Maybe you're not obligated to give me any of what I need? Maybe I should stop complaining? Maybe I should act like I don't care? Tried that, up, need a plan B. What if I don't have a plan B? Let's try not thinking about you. Oh shit, tried that too, huh? Maybe you're not my boyfriend? Maybe I want you to be? Maybe we were screwed from the start? Maybe I'm confused. But what if I'm not as ready as I want to be? Then maybe I need closure. Maybe I'm bad for you, you know, not something you need. Perhaps I don't want what I really want because it's too close to what I want? Maybe I want you. Damn, you know what's really funny. I typed "you" without even meaning too, like seriously. Maybe this is Gay, and I should stop. Maybe this won't phase you.


Whatever.