real talk..

So finally, I have no one.

Everyone has their reasons for not talking to me, but nobody's reason is a valid one. I'm never talking about the females doing this to me, mostly because I choose my female friends wisely. Perhaps I should go the same route when It comes to males also, hmm? Also, this still excludes 3 people. They're cool, but yea.

I'm so sick of this, you know? It's like I'm chasing a figment of my imagination. I'm to the point now where I'm like "Fuck it." I hate feeling that way, too. It shouldn't really have to come to this, but it is. Don't you hate when over the computer, or when texting somebody, they can spill out their heart and what not.. Tell you all these things that they "feel", but can't express it in the Real World? I hate that shit. It makes me hate technology, in a way. Damn them for making text messaging, and IMing. Sometimes, I want to break my keyboard. Blogs, this is how I verbalize my world to those of you who might not know me personally. In actuality, those of you who I don't really personally know, or talk to everyday, are like non-existent. Don't get me wrong, I know all of you have you're own lives and what-not; but, compared to my everyday life, you have no bearing as to how my life goes. Only when I read a blog that really hits me to where I'm like, "Damn, that's real", is when I feel you're relevance to this lifetime. Kinda like a story, and you're a helper character, you know?

So you can text me all day about how you feel, but you can't present this to me in person?

Partially one reason long distance relationships don't work out. I had to learn the hard way. I don't care what anyone says, the physical aspect of a relationship is just as important and the verbal aspect. And don't get me mistaken, when I talk about physical interactions, I'm not talking about sex, not at all. Some things you can talk about in person, you just cannot talk about over the phone. A person's entire body language is a language of it's own. It's something you can't pick up over the telephone, I'm sorry. Tell me I'm lying? A prolonged long distance relationship is destined to fail. Fatal Attraction, in a way. Sure, things will be on point in the beginning, all relationships start out that way. It's purely human nature to want to be felt, physically - again, non sexually is what I'm talking about right now. Mental stimulation is important too, very important, but you can't neglect something like you're body.

Show me, physically that you care for me. Verbalize it to me, in person. I want to look dead into your eyes when you do it.

People may think I sound weird for saying that, but trust, somebody knows what I'm talking about.

Which reminds me, you can't look me in my eyes for a long time, can you? Every time, you tell me to stop. I'm like shit, stop what? You act like you can't handle it. My eyes pull you in like that, word? Are you scared I'm seeing right through you? Because it's too late, I do. So what now?

- I guess I really am too much for you