spring to green

Well, damn!

2010-04-18T23:19:00.003-04:00

Wow. Has it really been almost a whole year since the last time I blogged? That's crazy. I went back and read some of those posts and had to laugh at myself, lol. All this talk about me being concerned with graduating high school, and dealing with my relationship issues - and look at me now. Heh, now I have a whole different set of things to deal with. I wonder what kind of things I'll be dealing with another year from now; what kind of issues will come to cross my path. That'll be interesting. Well, hopefully I'll come back here and blog about it, lol.

So much has happened since the last time I was here it's ridiculous. I'd be typing for days trying to get all of it down here. Lately though, my.. I guess, "Love Life" has been an - interesting one. But again, I'm not even sure If I can call it a Love Life. Somebody who I thought I had a promising future with turned out to be nothing more than another disappointment... I was for sure this time that some how we were going to work it out, and eventually be this amazing duet. But I've learned that I have to let go of that situation. My high school days are over, and I realized that I have to let go of my high school dreams. I don't know. Love is a strange thing, but love isn't always enough - this was a clear example of that. My trust had been abused to the point that I don't think it could be repaired. I forgive, but I don't forget. And with that, I have to walk away.

Now I've done this whole single thing for about a year now as well. Well, the whole 'single but not single' thing. And I think I'm starting to get sick of it. I'm getting to the point now where I'm feeling myself want to be apart of something more than some.. 'thing' I can never give a name to. I've done that enough, and I think I'm done with it. The only thing is, I'm afraid I've already gotten myself back in the same situation that promises failure in the first place. I don't want to be that girl that demands this, and demands that, but I can't help how I feel. I'm wanting someone to call my own. I haven't felt this way in such a long time that it's weird to even think about. College is so complicated though. Especially since I'm here most of the time, but gone for 3 months straight in the summertime. Sometimes I want to just pull my hair out, lol. I'm being such a girl right now, and this shit is gay. I really, really don't know what to do with myself. I want something that's mine, and all mine. No if, ands, or buts. Maybe this whole thing is just a phase. I am a girl. And half the time, I don't know what I really want.

Ha.

And here it is

2009-05-11T00:18:00.003-04:00

So, I've decided that this is the night that I will blog. I'm doing too much personal thinking not to. That's no fun - thinking about so much stuff and keeping it to myself is it? So much has been going on it doesn't make any sense, but then again, when is there ever NOTHING going on in my life?

Besides the fact that I think I've been having anxiety attacks, life has been pretty bitter sweet along with many mixed emotions. I have no idea how to have been feeling lately. Somethings at first seem like something to celebrate about, and then suddenly, it's another thing to cry about. When will this madness end? This last month of my high school year is really turning out to be something else, man. I try not to come on here complaining, but, alas - this is always what it ends up turning into. Maybe I'll have an all around good post soon, maybe.

So much about life is confusing, and making decisions on things you barely understand are even more confusing. You make decisions, and do things, and then wonder if it's something that you really should have done in the first place. If you don't, you're always stuck wondering what if you did - and if you do, you're left thinking what if you didn't. That's how I've been feeling lately. Wondering how I feel about some of the decisions I've made in my past, and as of lately. Once they're done, they're done. There's no going back. That part probably sucks the most. People say you can only learn from your mistakes, but what if it's one of those things that only happen once in life? What if its something you don't get an opportunity to make up for? Then what am I supposed to do? Hmm.

I get so upset when I think about how great somethings could have been. I wish certain things weren't so out of my control. It always seems like the things that you want so much to control, are the very things we probably shouldn't be able to control. Who knows what havoc a person could cause because of an abuse of control. But life is so that. Full of things out of our control. But I guess too that makes life what it is. What fun is falling in love, if you can control when it happens, and with who it happens with?

I miss him so much - the old him.
I graduate in 28 days.

2009-04-28T10:08:00.005-04:00

'll blog more later!

2009-04-28T10:08:00.003-04:00

to do this is really cool. =) About time, too. The G1 doesn't have any real good apps for blogger from the phone.. so this will work out peeeerfectly. I

2009-04-28T10:08:00.001-04:00

Good morning blogspot. Khloe just informed me that I can blog from my phone.. so i'll probably be blogging more often now. I think the feature to be able

realization

2009-03-20T23:51:00.000-04:00

So, I've come to the realization that I'm unhappy in my relationship, and it suuuuucks. I'm really close to wanting out, and deciding to be on my own. The single days were so much less complicated, and less heartbreaking. UGHH. It's sooo frustrating. I shouldn't be lonely in my own relationship.

I'm a prisoner in my own home.
:(

ALAS!

2009-03-14T19:25:00.003-04:00

I shall be getting this lens within the next two weeks. I AM DETERMINED. I really was thinking about buying a new iTouch.. but I really want this lens. :( Ugh... decisions decisions. I was supposed to buy Julian a birthday gift for next week.. but who knows if that'll happen. I don't think I'm in the mood to be putting others before me, lol. Sad, right? I know - oh well.

the story of my life

2009-03-12T23:12:00.002-04:00

Man, I tell you, the minute I think I've solved one problem, another one comes right up and completely discards of whatever it was that thought I had going. I'm stressing, big time man. Like I know it's natural for teenagers, or people period to stress, but I'm stressing to a point where I think it's messing with my mind, and my body. I'm tripping out, thinking crazy thoughts, and finding it hard to concentrate on things. Not to mention my eye sight has been bothering me lately, another reason for me to stress out. Try getting things done when you can't see. Just typing this post is a little rough. Everyday I wake up it's something new. Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to make it through the week, or even If I'll make it through at all. That's a messed up thought to have. I shouldn't have to worry about if I'll make it to graduation or not, or whether I'll make it past these obstacles being placed in front of me or not. Like really, I've just been feeling like a big failure. I wonder if half of the things that I have I even deserve.. I don't know. It probably sounds weird but this is how I've been feeling. There are so many things to wrap my head around, based on decisions I've made in the past, and what's going to happen in my future that I get overwhelmed to the point of going insane. Sometimes I can't sleep, when I do sleep, I'm haunted by nightmares. Staying awake is just as hard because with my mind working in overdrive, I can never rest. It's like a constant battle everyday I have with myself that I can never seem to resolve. How do I win a fight against myself? If I win, then I lose.

I should look at the good things going on in my life - pay more attention to those than other things, but it's so hard when you feel like there is so much more bad than good. Sure, I wake up everyday, go to school, and put on a happy face, but as soon as I get in the car and have a chance of silence, boom - reality kicks back in and everything is spread out across the table for me to unpleasantly indulge in. How can a person live life like that? This can't even be qualified as living. So many lies, demons, and skeletons in my closet, it feels like things are beginning to be too much. Sometimes I just want to completely let go. Let go of everything - responsibilities, desires, everything and just be nowhere. I would wish for silence, but the silence brings forth the noise of the thoughts screaming from the inside of my brain. I haven't heard silence in such a long time. It's been so long where I can just close my eyes, and enjoy the sound of pure white silence. I don't even know what it's like anymore. Some days, I just break down and cry, because there's nothing else to do. There's nobody really to talk to, well, there are a few, and it helps - for a moment, but then I go right back to feeling how I did before. Only God can truly see and understand what's going on inside of me. All I keep asking for him to do is make it go away, have me wake up one day and have it all gone - maybe it's not time. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel truly happy again.

Sorry for the pessimistic post.

- wipes dust

2009-03-10T20:48:00.002-04:00

Long time no blog guys? Yea, pretty much! How have you guys been? I wish I didn't wait so long before I blogged again - it's been so much going on in my life I don't even know where to begin! I'm not even sure who still comes here anymore since I haven't been updating like I used to. Life has been so crazy these last few months..

So, in case you're wondering, I'm still in a relationship.. ahem. Yea, lol. Due to a lack of maturity we're not speaking at the moment.. real adult right? If I told you the reason, you'd look at the screen like =| . To sum it up, he's upset that I don't answer the phone every single time he calls, so I guess he figures "since I can't answer the phone" when he calls, he's not going to call. WHATEVER, lol. I'm not worried about it. I think it's more to it than that, but like I said, I'm not worried about it.

MAN, time is winding down!! I'll be out of high school before I know it! I remember blogging about a year ago this time talking about how much I couldn't wait until my senior year, and I'm here on my way to college soon. There are only about 2 months left, and It's still hard to believe. If I said I wasn't a little scared to grow up, I'd be lying. There's something about getting older and being on your own that makes me a little nervous. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be getting older, and moving on in my life to better things, but change can be hard sometimes. What is it going to be like? Am I going to make it? What type of hardships will I have to go through on my way? Ugh, even thinking about it gives me a headache. Moving on..

I finally got a chance to do Jay's Photoshoot. Twan was there too. We had fun, despite the fact that a lot of the time it was raining outside. I love those guys. :) They're fun to be around, and fun to shoot. We might do another shoot tomorrow, but I'm not completely sure yet. If you want to see some of them, hit the flickr link on the side of the page. :) I really do need a pro account, though - so if anyone want to buy me one, let me know! - wink wink.

I think this is all I'll blog about for right now - since I'm on the phone I can't really concentrate, lol. I'll hit you with a little something something more later, kay?

peeace. <3

Sometimes I just ask why.

2009-02-16T23:00:00.002-05:00

You know how you get a new toy, and it's like - the shit. You play with it all the time, and it feels like the best thing that's ever happened to you? And then, the you start playing with the toy less and less.. and then wam! - it ends up in the back of your closet along with all the other toys you have fond memories of, but leave behind? Yea..

:(

I'm about to go tell all of my old toys how much I love them, before they hate me forever. I don't want to be that dusty little toy, but the feeling is inevitable.

the re-up

2009-02-15T10:01:00.003-05:00

It's been a long time, I know - and I'm sorry. I haven't had much time to blog lately, but today, something told me that I should. I've really been in a messed up mood the past few weeks. I don't know what it is about 2009, but It hasn't been on my side so far. The only really good thing that has come out of 2009 was that 4.0, and that Gold Key award I got recently. As far as my relationship though, things haven't been so good. I've been feeling really awkward about me & Julian, and it's starting to scare me. I'm beginning to think he doesn't care anymore. That's a messed up feeling to have. This is the thing that I've always been afraid of. I never seem to be able to get away from it. It's like law. Five months ago, I thought I found the person of my dreams, and now it's like it was all a fantasy. Uggh. Where do I begin?

God blessed us women with the power of intuition, and I'm trying to figure out if that is the same thing that I'm feeling. Maybe it's my insecurities, or maybe I'm just wanting something to go wrong - either way It's not making me feel very good about myself. We're starting to hardly talk, barely see each other, and when we are together, I feel really strange. I don't know what to do. I really wish things would just go back to the way they were before, but I don't even know if that's still a possibility. I hate relationships, I swear I do. I might have been better off sing-lay. I expressed my concerns to him, but he doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from either. I asked him was he Happy - he told me yes and asked why I would ask him something like that. I told him that I felt like we were slipping away, and he doesn't know what to say. You don't know what to say? Reassure me, do something to let me know that what I'm feeling is false. Man, I feel really stupid. But, I always end up feeling stupid when it comes to things like this. It's inevitable. Maybe I should stop getting my hopes so high, and they wont be shot down so easily.

Sorry for the sad post.
Maybe the next one will be happier.
=\

whuut?

2009-01-25T21:12:00.002-05:00

Alas, it's been a while since I last posted so I figured I'd post really quick before I start my homework and be done for the night. These past few days have been really busy for me. I've been having a lot of work, from school to other stuff, sooo yea. Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm alive and kicking.

Ciao!

365 black.

2009-01-20T22:01:00.004-05:00

I finally started the 365 group challenge on Flickr. Pretty much, you're supposed to take a self-portrait everyday for a year. How cool is that? So I started off with this picture. :) (right click, & open in different tab/window) Rather appropriate for the events of today, right? I'm so happy for my country, for once. It's really pretty cool - I mean, Barack Obama is - kind of cute too. I'm watching this MTV special for the inauration, and Kanye's preforming. I think Fall Out Boy is supposed to be preforming as well. One of Obama's top 10 favorite songs is Touch the Sky? Lol, gtfo. How real is that?

I don't really have a lot of time to blog tonight. I have an English paper to write tonight, ugh. Three pages. I don't where I'm going to get the strength to write this damn paper either. This will be very interesting. Damn that senioritis! Oh, Ju came over today for like a hour. Wasn't a lot, but it was exactly what I needed. I love you.

gooone.

boo, you whore.

2009-01-19T17:13:00.002-05:00

Today has probably been the most unsuccessful/unaccomplished day of my 17 year old life. I've been in the bed all day, and have done zero. I feel like a total losser. I should at least do my laundry right? Well, one kind of good thing happened I guess you can say. Me and Ju, 'Made up", again. But it didn't feel like much of a make-up to me. I thinks that saying, "It'll be okay, alright baby? I love you." Will solve all of our problems. You don't solve an issue by throwing nice words on top of it, and sprinkling it with "I love you's". I guess I have no choice but to let it go - up until the same problem comes back again. - sigh. Why me? I assume that I shouldn't complain, huh? There are a lot of other people that have it worse than me. It's so easy to complain, though, you know?

I think I'll do my hair and take some pictures. Maybe that will bring me out of this moping mood I'm in. It's not good to stay in the bed all day - especially if you've been up since 6 A.M.. Man, & I have school in the morning. Maybe I won't go. I'd really like to stay home and watch the inaguration in my own room, rather than a classroom. That's all we're going to be doing, anyways. I still have that English paper to write, too. Ughh.

Okay, I'm done.

I think i'll start that 365 group on Flickr. That might motivate me more, hein?

Hollawh

2009-01-18T09:25:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was fun. It was Kristian's 18th birthday, so we went out to the mall and whatnot. She was supposed to go get her tattoo, but those plans didn't fall through like they were supposed to, so she had to postpone those for later this month. I wish we could have gone though. I've never seen somebody get tattooed before, and it might have been nice to take pictures of it. Her tattoo artist is a beast too, not to mention she's really pretty, AND paid. If you seen her on the streets, you would never think that she did tattoos. Oh, and Jay would love this, she has a MILLION kicks, I'm talking like a Nike Fanatic! But yea, she's the ultimate beast. It would have been nice to get pictures of her in action. Ugh, I'll touch on that in a minute.

But back to Kristian and her birthday. Despite the fact we had her dad toting us around, it was fun. We went to see that My Bloody Valentine 3D movie, which WASN'T in 3D, btw. What type of 3D advertised movie, isn't in 3D? That's just Fairlane's asses being cheap because they didn't want to hand out 3D glassess. It would have been sooo much better if it was in 3D. :( Oh well. It was kind of scary. Lmao, the naked chick was hilarious. She was running around the movie butt ass naked for about and good 15 minutes. That was fun to laugh at. Hmm.. wonder if she got paid more for that?

After the movies and mall, we went to Fuddruckers and ate. That was fun too. The Julian came up there, and I saw him for abooout... 10 seconds because after that, Kristian's dad pulled up outside. Me and Him are having.. how do you call, kind of discrete underlying issues? The last two times I've seen him, I don't know - he ends up irritating me. I think it's because we haven't been alone with each other in a while. The last few times we've been out, it's been Me, him, and a bunch of other niggas. He claims he's going to pick me up today, but eh, I don't know. Maybe I'll feel better after me & him just hang out.

Jay's photoshoot was cancelled. :( I'm really bummed about that one. I wish the weather wasn't so ugly lately! Oh my gosh! It snowed ALL day yesterday, non-stop. I am absolutely sick of the snow. Can spring and summer hurry up so all of this yucky snow can go away!? We'll do it eventually. I guess it's one of those things we just don't have any control over. Maybe some time this weekend, hopefully.

I need to get out more too, lol. Not in a, "get out more to party" way, but a get out more to take pictures way. After yesterday, and seeing so many photo opportunities, I've realized the only way to get the most out of this thing, is to go places. I can't base my photo-life off of pictures from school, and my house. I need to go other places, different cities, different people! I need a car, damnit! UGH! Rant rant rant!

I guess that's enough blogging for now. I've updated my Flickr, but it's only one picture. =\ I'm not saving anymore pictures to my laptop until I get a new external harddrive. Maybe I'll force Julian to take me to Micro Center today. Hmm.. sounds like a plan. Yes, definitely.

pce.

haaa.

2009-01-16T13:22:00.003-05:00

I'm like reaaally tired. That breakfast really wore me out. :( I'm just like a fat black person - eating, then falling asleep. I'm supposed to be cleaning my room and washing clothes, eh, I have time to do that later. I think I'm going to charge my phone, and take maybe an hour nap. Oh, good news too. I got a 4.0 on my semester report card, and me & Julian are back talking again. It's been a good two days, no? I'm so proud of myself! I told my dad about my report card, so he told me he would send me some money. Thank the Lord. God knows there are so many things I need to buy. Let's make a quick list of things I need.

Immediate Needs:
- 30-80 Gig Zune (My iPod is broken, if you don't already know)
- New external Hard drive, probably 200 gigs+

Subtle Needs:
- Black flat boots, preferrably the Timberland/Coach Boots I saw at Macy's
- New Clothes (Shirts/Jeans/Sweaters, etc.)
- Get my Watch Fixed
- New Kathy Bag (My Favorite) :)
- Guitar Lessons
- Scholarship for College

Wants:
-Nintendo Wii
- Guitar Hero for PS3
- Macbook Pro
- Zoom Lens for Rebel
- Umbrella Light for Rebel
- Another ring from Swarovski

Ohh, how we need to hit the Lottory!
Laaater.

first time for everything

2009-01-14T06:48:00.003-05:00

I'm supposed to be up getting ready for school, but actually, I don't feel like doing much at all. As soon as I got home last night from that game, I ate a piece of cheesecake, and went to sleep. People called - I didn't answer, people texted - I didn't respond. Yesterday was a good day for me, up until the last few hours. Me and Julian got into it. At first, we were playing, then it turned from smiles to frowns really quickly. I don't even really know why I'm mad, but at the same time I do. Now, both of us are mad at each other, and you know what? I don't care. I don't think I want to talk to him for a while anyways. It's weird. It was just a compilation of stuff he did yesterday, one by one, was making me more and more irritated. Some of the shit he says and does just irritates the dog shit out of me, even when he's playing around.

For example, he asked me why my nails weren't done. Nigga, excuse me? You want to give me $20 tp go get my nails done? When I first met you they weren't done - so why does that matter now? I know he was saying it as a joke, but that shit made me mad. A lot of times, when people "joke" about shit like that, that's exactly the thing they're thinking in the back of their head. Ugh, he tries too hard to be cute. He's such a damn priss, & I'm just not like that. Then sentence after the next, it just got worse and worse. I don't know, I just really don't want to be around him right now. I'd much rather just be around my friends who don't care about petty shit like that, and even if they were joking about it, deep down they wouldn't care. I know that it's not a big deal, but as of right now it is. Little stuff like that can be just as detriminal as bigger issues.

This is the shit I hate about relationships.

Long time no write?

2009-01-11T03:36:00.003-05:00

About time, right? I've been too lazy to update, but I decided today that I would! It's simple, but I like it. Obama 09-12, right? Yes! I can't wait to watch the inauguration. I really wish I could go, though - that would be nice. Oh well - maybe next time? I hope that he does a good job his first term. I know people are going to be expecting a lot of him for the next four years. I wish people would just understand that it takes time to fix big time issues like the ones that are going on right now in the world, and the United States. He's human, he's going to make mistakes, and he's not always going to make the best of decisions - just give the man time. Who knows, it may take a whole 8 years before things turn around in this country. Blah, enough on politics.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Julian? Yes? No? Oh, well, just in case I haven't before, let me reiterate. I love the shit out of him. He's far from perfect, & he's not the sharpest knife in the box, but that's my baby penguin, and he knows it's true. I had to get that out, you know - let the people know. I don't know what I'm going to do when I go off to school. Probably cry everyday. lmao. What a sad show that will be. I don't even want to think about it. All I can do is enjoy the time we have together now. These days are going to go by faster than I think. I keep on saying how much I can't wait to graduate, but they're so many things that I'm going to miss. Who knew that the first semester of 12th grade would go by so quickly. Psh, second semester is going to go by even faster, with there being so may different breaks. I have approximately 82 days left of my high school career. Eighty-two days? That's two and three quarters of months left of second semester. Before you know it, I'll be walking across the stage in an all white gown, crying my little eyes out. Ugh, how bittersweet. My grades are really good too, for the first time in a long time! I'm looking at a 3.7 going towards my transcript grades. Yes sir, that's 5 A's and 2 B's. Best report card of my High School life, lol! What a shame! I wait until my senior year of High School to start making kick ass grades. It's usually the other way around with senioritis and all that good stuff. - shrugs. Oh well, let's try and focus on keeping that up, shall we?

Seen my flickr yet? If not it's on the side of this post right over there -->

I'm getting better I think. I just need to get motivated enough to make sure I take pictures everyday. I still want to take some photography classes too. Man, the memory on my laptop is running low. UNFORTUNATELY, since my other external harddrive with ALL my original Artwork, Graphics, Music, & Photo's is BROKEN, looks like I'm going to have to invest in another one. I can't believe it. 320 gigs - gone, just like that. I don't think I'll be buying anything else fom Bestbuy anymore. It always ends in failure. I saw one somewhere for like 60 dollars on the internet. Something like 200 gigs. I need to cop that, immediately. Can't keep taking pictures If I don't have anywhere to save them, feel me?

I really wish Jay's fat ass would go ahead and get his damn hair cut so we can do this damn photoshoot. At first it was me trying to find the right time to do it, & now it's him having to get money to cut his hair. :( I told him to just wear a hat, but blaaah. Men don't listen. Ugh. I'm ready, soooo ready. Maybe we'll get a chance to do it during this 5 day weekend I have coming up, which I'm so graciously excited for. Not to mention the Auto Show is coming up! Just another thing for me and Ju to do. Ah, love.

Have I also ever told you guys how much I love Twan? I love that guy, even though he's stubborn and stupid, & the reason why things didn't work out, LMAO. He's still something like a best friend to me, & I know no matter what, he'll always have my back and look out for me when he can. He sooo totally like, one of my favorite Exes, lol. I love you Twannie. =*

I think that's enough for now - I really should be trying to go to sleep If I'm going to wake up at any type of decent hour tomorrow. Oh! And

HAPPY BIRFDAY AYSHA BOO!

Aysha turned 18 today. Have a great day mama!
<3

updating...

2009-01-05T20:26:00.002-05:00

man oh man

2008-12-23T00:56:00.002-05:00

I'm so, bored.
It's weird. I kinda feel restless - like there's something I need to be doing, but can't find the motivation to actually go and do it. Maybe I should redo my hair, or maybe I should clean my room, maybe I should sort laundry, eh. Idk. I think I just want to chill and talk to somebody. I guess I might be just awaiting Christmas. I can't wait to get all cute and stuff. Dressing up is so much fun. I don't care what anybody says, girls love to dress up, no matter how old.

I think I will clean up, btw. My chest hurts, I wonder why.. Hmm. Whatever. I started the logo that I'll be putting on all of the GRAM Game Entertainmet photographs. I don't know if it's the one I'll keep, but it's iight. I really wish my face wasn't breaking out like it is. Ugh, I hate my skin, it sucks. Maybe I'll start back using proactive again. I can't be like this for Christmas, dressed cute with everything done, but my skin is all jacked up. Whose family wants to see that? I can see Julian's bitch ass sister talking shit now. Ugh, she's rude as hell. She shouldn't be that way.. old evil ass.

I really really wish my rise wouldn't have come out so quickly. I wish I could be brave enough to actually color my hair. I've seen so many people with nice pretty hair color it, and mess their hair up forever. I don't want to be like that. I'll cry if my hair gets messed up like that. I would loooove a really nice brown. Like, a chestnutty kinda chocolately dark brown. Something bold. That would be awwwesome. - sigh. But that won't be happening anytime soon - unless of course I was to put another rise in my hair, but what's the use if it only lasts 2 weeks? None.

So, good news & bad news. The good news is my iPod is working again. The bad news is that only one of the ears is working, so I probably have to have apple bitch asses look at it. I'm not looking forward to what their going to tell me. I should find a nigga who fixes iPods for the low. I got this guys number a while ago, but I don't even know if it's still in my phone - i'd have to check. That would be great. I'm so sick of spending money on electronics, ugh. It's extremely irritating being cursed like this. Man, somebody save me.

I think I'll go clean now, maybe that will keep me pre-occupied.
peace.

flickr.

2008-12-16T00:36:00.001-05:00

finally, i've made my account.
love-chmy
haven't uploaded, all my pictures yet - but i plan to.

pow!

- cries

2008-12-15T18:51:00.001-05:00

:'(

My 320gig External Hard-drive isn't working.
ALL of my other music, pictures, and artwork is on it.
Dear God, please make it work again!

older posts.

early does it.

2008-12-13T15:31:00.003-05:00

Me & Ju went out yesterday, & it was the first time in a while. We had fun, as always. He surprised me, BIG time though. We were going in and out of stores in the mall, like we always do - looking at clothes and what nots, I was looking for some new earrings, he was looking at shoes. I know how he kept on talking about how he wanted his ears pierced, so I got them done for him, & he looks adorable might I add. :) But maybe about an hour after that, he goes down to the jewelry place from where he bought his Techno from, and to this lady that always hooks him up when he goes there. So, I'm thinking he's just going down there to look at stuff, you know, maybe buy another watch for himself or something. Then he asks me which ones I liked. Well there was this heart shaped one that was just like the one he has, only it's the girl version - and we both at the same time found it, and said, "This one." He asked the lady how much, and she told him $349. Lol, you should have seen my face! I'm like, "Oh, that's nice..". At this point, I'm pretty much ready to go, because there was no way in hell I'd pay that much money for a watch. And then the lady's like, with her italian accent, "How bout this, for you, I'll give it to you for 250." Me, I'm still like, "Let's go." Then bam. He says "We'll take it." I turned around so faaasst. Like forreal? Then he said Merry Christmas, and kissed me. I think I just about died, lol. I've never received anything like that from a boyfriend before.

I like, couldn't believe it, lol. I think I almost cried, too. Yea yea, bitch move, but I couldn't help it. He's like "Are you going to show your moms?", Helllll no! So she can make me give it back? Not a chance, lol! I'll come up with somtething to tell her, but she won't know about this. You know how moms think - "He must want something in return". She already says he's almost too good to me, lol. Later we went to dinner, and he bought me a rose, and this gay stuff. - sigh. He's almost perfect, I swear. I have like, the almost the best boyfriend in the world. He has his flaws, but he does a good job of making you forget about them.

I love his big headed ass.
<3

latent desires, or otherwise?

2008-12-12T01:36:00.002-05:00

In Psychology, we were talking about dreams, and how there are some theories that suggest that dreams are an expression of repressed feelings, that we are either embarrassed of, or feel as though they are socially or just blatantly unacceptable. I have always thought that they are a reflection of what's been on your mind, and is put together in a sort of "episode", that tries to make sense of your jumbled thoughts.

So, remember that guy I was telling you about 2 posts ago? Well yea, It was about him - at least the first part of my dream was. We were intimate. Not intercourse, but it was definitely sexual. It was probably more erotic foreplay than anything else, but it was pretty amazing. And the fun part about dreams are that they feel sooo damn real. I was so comfortable dreaming it too. It wasn't one of those kinds of dreams that you wake up from, and is confused, or slightly disturbed. I actually enjoyed it. Are these my latent wishes & desires - or is my brain just taking what it knows, and is tossing it around to make it seem this way? We've definitely never been intimate - at least not in that sense, so where is all this coming from? Again, playtime could be a factor I'm assuming.. that sort of wrestling/play fighting that kind of turns you on? Yea. That's probably it. This is not good, lol.

But, after that - I dreamed about Ju, and how happy I was to see him. I ran towards him and jumped in his arms into the biggest hug ever. He happened to have a lot of facial hair, too - more than normally. I'm asumming this stems from me not seeing him since last wednesday. I've been missing him so much lately, I'm starting to dream about seeing him with a drastic increase of facial hair. I was so happy too, I could feel it through my sleep.

Is this not wierd to anybody? My brain is doing a hell of a lot of things in my sleep that are making me re-evaluate things pertaining to how I handle myself when I'm around certain people. Should I keep entertaining myself with this guy who for some reason draws me into him like a moth to a flame, or do I play with fire, risking getting burned? What. Do. I. Do?

- sigh

let's get this straight, now.

2008-12-10T20:44:00.004-05:00

Some people end up being so misunderstood sometimes, it's crazy. People think because you have expensive stuff, you're living some expensive lifestyle, with extravagant furniture, and millions of dollars in the bank, blah blah blah. We'll I'm here to tell you, shit doesn't work like this round this way. Nigga, I live in a two family flat, in the hood of Detroit, along with my mom, aunt, uncle, and little cousin. When my mom picked me up today, I think she was almost in tears to tell me DTE came over today to shut the gas off - she had to practically beg him not to turn the lights off. She was sooo embarrassed. She even made me promise her that I wouldn't tell my father, or Julian. Like, wow. My mouth just dropped. & It's not as though we've been using the heat this whole time, we've just now started turning the heat on, because the gas bill ends up being so much money. Now you realize no gas also means, no hot water, right? Oh, yea - cuz it does. So I'll also be taking a cold bath tonight. Oh, did I mention that the stove doesn't work either, so that means no hot food? I didn't - oh okay, now you know. My aunt and them downstairs have heat, and she told me If I was cold up here, I was free to come down there and sleep & shower, which I thought was nice - but I won't. I think my pride is too big. I'd much rather sleep in my own room, and bundle up anyways. No, this ain't no sob story, & no I'm not complaining. I just want people to realize that I'm not always as "wealthy" as I may seem. I have a philosophy that no matter what, I'll never look like I'm struggling as far as money's concerned. As shallow as that sounds, that's the way I am. When I was younger, we most certainly couldn't afford some of the finer things in life. Now that I'm older, as long as I can help it, you'll never catch me looking as if my family's struggling, or if my light's got cut off the night before. It hurts my mother too much. I know she works hard for the money she makes, & I wish I could make it better for her.. I really do. She & my father do so much for me, it's crazy. But yea, having $700 cameras, & 200 shoes don't mean shit as far as a person being rich. If it wasn't the winter time, I'd rock a $5 pair of flip flops and say fuck it. You know what, fuck this post.

living for the fun of it

2008-12-05T21:43:00.003-05:00

So there's this guy right. Let's just say I have an incy wincy crush on him. Yea, I know, I'm too old to have crushes, but shit I can't help but to be a stupid little girl sometimes. Not to mention the fact that I have a boyfriend who loves me dearly. But yea, back to that. This guy right, he's a bad boy - not like a thug kind of bad boy either, like, he's more flirty bad. I don't know. It's like you know you're not suppsed to flirt with him, but it's so fun to do you do it anyways. And it's funny because, I could never see him as somebody who I would choose to be serious with, & I can't really imgine any girl doing that. It's kind of hard to explain. Like, I would never leave my boyfriend for him, the thought of that being an option has never crossed my mind, but in the same sense, I can see him getting me in trouble. It's also funny because when I first met him, he reminded me soooo much of Julian, it was crazy, which is weird because they don't really look alike, and they don't really act the same either. Since day one, it was obvious he was sexually attracted to me, which didn't really bother me because this is how it is with over half the niggas I come in contact with. But as I started talking to him more and more, he's a cool person, but fun too. It's kinda hard to explain. He always tells me how he's going to "give it to me", lol. And I always blow him off, because that's just what I'm supposed to do. But there's this thing tugging at me, to entertain it, simply because it's damn entertaining! No I would never do anything like that with him, no I'm not naive, no I'm not willing to cheat on my boyfriend for "entertainment". I just can't help but to play into this game. Maybe it's the playful side of me. I'm not sure. It's just this look he gives off that drives me nuts! It's a devious, sexual, flirtatious kind of look, but at the same time I know that it's nothing more than that. Ugh, it's sooo weird. It's like two people like each other, but that's it. There's no serious emotion involved. He's told me before that he likes me, and he thinks I like him too, which I do, but that's it. I like him because he's fun, because he's funny, and because he's kind of cool - but in the same token, I feel like I should leave him alone. But then too, I feel like we're friends. Like, he asks about my relationship, he asks about advice on girls, we can really talk about anything.

I think it would be different if it was the type of thing where jealously as an issue, but I really ant him to be generally happy. Yea, I didn't mention, he has a girlfriend too, lol. It's new, but yea. And I kind of feel bad for her, because even though she's known him longer than I have, I can see things she can't. I don't see it lasting long, simply because I don't see him being ready for a relationship. I do think he likes her a lot though. But I think he's too immature to respect a serious relationship - he's just not ready. That's evident in how he acts with me, and I'm sure other girls. Maybe he'll change for her, ha, I doubt it, lol.

I don't know. It's clear that he doesn't give a damn about me having a boyfriend as far as he's concerned, but I think he can tell that I really feel strongly about Ju. Lol, he calls me fake because I won't talk to him when I'm around Ju, but oh well, he comes first, period. I think we'll just end up being cool friends though - at least when he stops trying to kiss me, maybe. Am I wrong for wanting to play though? I know it's nothing more than that. I'm just a little afraid this play will hurt something that I care for a whole lot more, idk.

- sigh

damn that id.

-

2008-11-12T07:26:00.001-05:00

He told me last night that he loved me, & I believed him and said it back.

gone.

oh, can you believe it?

2008-11-11T00:25:00.002-05:00

I think, that maybe, I just might love my boyfriend.
Fuck you Mckenzie Coleman, and Keara Marks.
You bitches can go die slow.
<3

I don't know if I'm exactly "in love", but I think
it may be safe, possibly to say "I love him."

Yep, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

type of nigga is you?

2008-11-09T13:00:00.002-05:00

Soooo life is good. I finally got a new phone, the G1. $400 gone, just like that, lol. It was worth it though. I thank Daddy a lot. :) It does a lot too. Everybody's like using me as the test person to get it, to see if they want it. How gay is that? How about you buy the phone yourself and decide if you like it. Don't base it off of how much I like it - me and you might not like the same things in a phone. Dimen was even talking about selling her iPhone for it. I'm like, Bitch, is you insane?? Don't get me wrong, I love my phone - but to switch from it to an iPhone is utterly rediculous. Ugh, black people. I swear, T-mobile should be paying me for all of these refferals.

Me and E are back cool now. I'm sooooo happy. It was taking too much trying to ignore him everyday at school. That was like, the most arkward-est feeling ever. Now we can flirt, and touch bodies, and mess around again. :) Jokes, people. I don't want his girlfriend running at me with an ax. No drama this way, lol. She might dance kick my ass or something.

- Looks at top of the screen

Oh how he makes me angry sometimes. But he's sweet when he wants to be. He tries so hard to make sure I'm not mad at him. If he thinks I'm mad, he'll put the gayness in overdrive, so that I won't be upset anymore. Stupid freak. I hate him. Don't be all lovey dovey with me! I thought I heard him tell me last night those 3 words of dispair. I almost choked to death. Either I was tripping, or he's on some slick type stuff. Hopefully I'm tripping. Sometimes, I just want to break up with his ass, just because. Then, I think about it, and think, "Damn, I couldn't do it if I tried." Eh, he's my boyfriend, we're supposed to hate each other sometimes, even though it's usually just me hating him. He probably thinks I'm crazy. - shrugs. Oh well. :) If he cares like he says he does, he'll deal with my crazy ass.

wtyl.

O8

2008-11-05T00:39:00.002-05:00

Words cannot explain my excitement.
This country will undergo a change of a lifetime.

To all the McCain Supporters in Arizona,
Eat a dick, you racists bastards.
Obama is President of the United States,
TAKE THAT SHIT, & SWALLOW IT.

Let's get it!

oh how this is it.

2008-11-02T22:59:00.002-05:00

Ahh!
I miss my baby! He left me about an hour ago.
:(
I'm in Like.
Deep deep, Like.
I'm so happy he's in my world.

no homo.

fuckbitchesgetmonaaaaay.

2008-11-02T09:36:00.002-05:00

not really, because at the current moment, and nigga is broke.
i think I need some money to raise my self-esteem.

whose down for robbing a bank with me?
i got the weight, chu down?

everything else is good. grades are tight, college apps are in.
besides the fact that my boyfriend made me mad last night, shit's cool.
we'll probably make up later.
i'm not worried.

p e a c e.

can I talk to yoooooou

2008-10-29T18:40:00.002-04:00

My boyfriend needs a line up, & he's still cute with his big ass forehead.

I miss that ass, even though he irritates me sometimes.
:(

We're definitely having movie night this weekend.

It's cold early in the morning

2008-10-27T04:26:00.002-04:00

I should be sleep, having pleasant Sunday night dreams, but I'm not. Instead, I'm up on my fucking laptop, mad at the world, no scratch that, mad at myself. It's easier to blame the world for how I feel, seeing as though blaming myself would only make me feel stupid. This might be one of those posts. The one's I know people out there are just dying to read.

For the past few days, I have not been feeling good about myself. Ignore the boastfulness, it's a front. They have a name for that in Psychology. Maybe if had been studying, I'd know what the word was. Shit, fuck it. My minds been going like crazy tonight. If you could read the post that's in my phone, you'd understand. You didn't know? Yea, I blog in my phone too. The shit in there is way too expressive to put on here. Too many people read what's on here. Certain people I don't mind reading it, but those others don't need to be that insightful.

It's raining. How ironic is that? Is this God echoing my feelings through nature? Probably not, I would like him to, though. One big rainy snowy storm would be appropriate. On and off through the night though, not consistently. Why do my emotions do what they do? Stupid fickle emotions. I probably seem crazy as hell. Too bad I don't particularly care.

I just want to be happy, and stay happy. That's all. None of this up and down shit. Problem solved? No. I hate being a girl sometimes.

here we are again.

2008-10-23T18:55:00.000-04:00

Omg, I am sooo irritated with life right now. If its not one thing, its always another. There's always something that I'm doing wrong no matter what. Your senior year of high school is supposed to be the easiest, wtf?

Everyday, me and my mom are arguing over college. Either it's about me having my college applications done, or some bullshit about scholarships. She acts like it's her ass going off to school. Do you not think this shit isn't stressful for me? Especially when I have her in my face constantly yelling, and nagging about what it is I should be doing, and what I'm not. I'm the one going off to school, I'm the one who has to fill out this applications, I'm the one who has to write essays and keep my grades together all at the same time. She makes it seem like I don't have essays for school to write every week, and like I don't have test to study for, and like I don't have homework practically every night. And to make things even more complicated, I have a hoe ass boyfriend now. Not saying my boyfriends a hoe ass nigga, but this shit is distracting as hell. Now I have to be the one to explain why I can't do this, and why I don't have time for that. Yes, It was my choice to have a boyfriend and get into a relationship, but damn! But real talk, that's not the worst of it. If I didn't have a boyfriend, she'd be doing the same thing, on my back 24/7. I can't take it, for the life of me I can't. She doesn't realize that all she's doing is making it worse, and making want to screw over things just to get it over with so that I don't have to hear her mouth. "Hurry up and do this"... "You need to get this done like right now..". Damn, man! Leave me alone! One thing I hate more than anything is to be rushed into doing something. I hate it with a burning passion. If you think rushing me to do something is going to make it happen faster, you've got another thing coming.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I feel so under pressure I can barely take it. My boyfriends really the only thing to take my mind off of it, but shit, that only lasts for so long. And its not like he can stay up late and talk to me like I want him to. I just wish for maybe one night, he can stay up with me, so that I can tell him what's really on my mind. Late at night is when my mind really needs to release, and he's not there to receive it. That's why I get so aggitated when he falls asleep, and its only like 12 midnight. I know he works early in the morning, and he needs his sleep, and Its mostly me being a brat, but damnnit I need that time, and I don't get it like I want it, as often as I want it. A nigga needs permanent relief.

I can't wait until this is all over with, and I can just go on with life. I never want to go through this again, ever. It's one of those times again - at time where I just want to fly to the sky by myself, and sleep on a cloud. Being by myself wouldn't even be so bad right about now. I'm practically alone in this anyways. The world will be fine without my feet being on earth for a little while. If only just for a little while.

- dead -

2008-10-21T22:01:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPsNi1k8Df4

Please watch the whole thing. It's fucking hilarious.

life just got better.

2008-10-21T00:14:00.002-04:00

http://www.shacknews.com/onearticle.x/54402

MGS5 Confirmed!
YES!
Prequel or not..

If you were a Metal Gear Solid lover, you'd
understand..

UGH! I can't wait!

love is also a 4 letter word

2008-10-19T17:09:00.003-04:00

Every time I look to the side of my screen, I smile. :)

The last 2 days of my life have been probably the gayest days of my life. He's such a cake. You guys think I'm bad? No, you haven't seen gay until you've seen that one. Ha, he's homo - and I like it, which makes me just as homo. I told him about my reservations about this whole thing, he was pretty receptive. He keeps trying to open me up, and get me to be more expressive with him, but I'm very hesitant to. Certain things I'll open up with, others I won't. If I don't put my all into it, I can't lose anything, right? I'm still trying to convince myself that. This is serious business, really serious business. I'm not bringing anybody else home to mom and dad after this. The whole process is too much - I'd rather wait.

I still feel a kind of emptiness, though I'm not really sure what it is. I can't put my finger on it. It could very well be the fact that I'm not allowing myself to fall head first. Does that make sense? I don't know. When I'm with him, everything feels.. natural. For some reason "right" isn't the word I want to use. "Natural" seems so much more appropriate. Maybe that's because so many times wrong feels right, and it feeling right would make it wrong. Only God knows, lol.

Damn all these essays I have to write! UGH! That's the only thing keeping me from turning in my college applications, and of course, those expensive ass application fee's. 40$ just to send in a paper? That's crazy. Then you're not even promised admittance. This is entirely too nerve racking for me, lol. Either it's school wanting me to write an essay, a college, or a scholarship. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

I'm still apart of the "Needing a New Phone" club. I feel sooooo broke! There's so much that needs to be paid for and I'm penny-less. Well, I shouldn't over exagerate. I have about 110 in my wallet. But I mean damn! What can I buy with 1oo dollars!? I need a new phone, which is about 300, new fall clothes, some new coats, and shoes. THEN on top of that, I need $200 to pay for my AP classes, and then another 200 for my senior dues. This shit is crazy. Niggas are soooo not balling around here. Moms has been complaining for the past 2 weeks about how broke she is. She's been eating a lot more and everything. - sigh. Nigga's around here need to hit the lotto or something. I wish I had time to work, I want money so tough. I told Markus that I was going to strip for about a week, then quit. You know, get my hustle on a little bit, lol. Sell a few dime bags. Lol, yea right. Let me stop fooling myself.

There are good things going on, though. My grades are looking okay. Not as bad as they usually are first cardmarking, lol. I have ACT testing again saturday. I hope I do better than last time. I would appreciate a 25, but who knows. I haven't been preping myself so maybe that's too much to ask for. This school shit is for the birds, lol. When will highschool be overrrrrr!? UGH! Then after that I have 6 years of college to look forward to. Whoop - de - do. To tell the truth, If I didn't have to go, I wouldn't. I'd find something else to do. Go travel the world and fall in love - something like that. Tell me that doesn't sound like fun? Lol. Dreams. Why couldn't life be all about pleasure? So much to do in a lifetime, and we're expected to work most of the time. I'm all about pleasure, damnit! I guess I'll have to get over it. - shrugs.

I'll stop bitching. Life has been good to me, despite it's downs. God's been looking out, even when I probably didn't deserve it. I need to get my stuff together. My anti-work attitude is really going to slap me in the face one day. =\

smiles&hearts.

wow.

2008-10-18T01:37:00.000-04:00

All I can say after tonight is, Keara is going to kill me.
=\

so apparently,

2008-10-15T19:35:00.001-04:00

I have maaad skills, son.

I'll blog more later.

brain flush

2008-10-13T16:27:00.003-04:00

The search for an iPhone continues.
Sweetest day is coming up. I was talking to Keara, and was thinking about what I want to do. I have ideas that I really like - might have to work em out.

Good news, I currently have a B in French. Hopefully it stays until November 1st, lol. I absolutely HAVE to keep my grades up. It's now mandatory, like, super mandatory. Kristian wants to do a double date thing this friday, which I guess is cool. I don't know if I want to do it for sure yet though. I'm not sure if he wants to share his time with me with anybody else, he's a tad bit possesive, but I like it.

Markus wanted me to go to this Pistons game with him on Thursday, but I don't know If I should go.. I know how Markus is about me, and I don't think I want to put myself in that position right now, eh.. it's up in the air. Who knows. My mom doesn't think I should go though.

Ummm, what else?
OH, I have to get my MSU stuff done like ASAAAAP! The deadline is like, thursday, and I'm essay-less! I'm going to try and get it done before he gets off work, `cause if not, I'll never get anything done. - DEEP SIGH. He's sooo distracting, lol.

Just felt the need to post. Bam, there it is. Enjoy.
:)

role plaaay.

2008-10-11T01:25:00.002-04:00

+Tonight was perfect.
+This feels so right.
-I'm feeling extremely vulnerable.
+This was by far the most romantic night I've ever had.
-My uncle caught us in the car kissing
+I convinced him that we weren't
+My mom likes him
-I lost at bowling, again.
+We look so good together

+/- He seems too good to be true.

=\

I hate waking up in the morning.

2008-10-09T22:37:00.002-04:00

Don't you hate when you're sleeping really good, having a wonderful dream about life - you're rich, married to somebody you love, and living the good life, then you wake up? I hate that feeling. That's how I feel sort of right now. Such a switch, right? I don't know. I always seem to think myself into being sad, or into feeling depressed about something. Here my mind goes, again. It never seems to fail me. What am I going to with my life? I mean, I know I have a plan, but whose to say my plan will work out like I want it to?

Then there's the pressure from my family, which is about where the majority of my stress comes from. I don't think they realize how much pressure they put on me. I'm expected to be and do soooo much, which I think is kind of unfair. My mother was just telling me today about how if I was to get pregnant, her, my dad, and my grandparents would all be heartbroken, yadda yadda. I'm like, are you serious? What about me? What about how I feel about my life? Does that not matter to you at all?

And how I dread my father coming home and finding out that I have a boyfriend. I can see it now, and it doesn't look good. I can see him trying to break us up, and I'm going to be super mad. It's like, he wants to control my life to be how he wants me to do, and anything that's not apart of that is wrong and I need to stay away from it. I already know how he feels about me even talking to guys let alone being in a relationship. His thing is, he thinks it's going to pull me away from school, and distract me. He figures if it's not going to help me get into school, it's going to take away. All my family thinks the same thing. That's sooooo unfair. Like, am I really expected to not have a social life? I like boys, lol. I love them, and I'm going to be involed with them, period. I figure if I'm getting what I need to get done, done - we shouldn't have any problems. I understand that they want to protect me, but how far do you really think you can protect me? I'm not a computer, don't expect me to spit out grades and whatnot on command, it's not happening. So yea, Novemember, we're in for it, lol. If my relationship status changes on facebook, you know why. =\

I'm on the phone with my baby, peash.

let me play with your emotions

2008-10-07T21:18:00.002-04:00

I feel like I should be blogging, since Khloe & Mckenzie were complaining. Fuck you hoes and your two line blog posts. My post shit on yours, period.

Soo, pretty much - my mom wants to meet his parents and all that good stuff, now that we're "boyfriend and girlfriend". Is is bad that that's still weird to say and/or type? `Cuz it is. He's sooo sweet, though. Lately I've been wanting to see him more and more, and find myself missing him. Ugh, I hate it, but at the same time - enjoy it. Still not used to this gay shit, lol. - shrugs. What can you do?

On that note, allow me to express these emotions that are still buried deep within. I still feel like there is a piece of me that can't let go of that other one - you know, the short one. I thought that this situation I'm in now would distract me enough to the point where I wouldn't even consider any type of weird feelings with him, but alas, there's no doubting that they're still there. Hence the two dreams in a row, and the last few days. Somethings you can neither duplicate, nor extinguish. This, I think happens to be one of those things. Maybe it'll go away when things get more serious. I hope so, I'm not the cheating type. He's already expressed that he doesn't give a damn about my boyfriend, red flag, lol.

I do really miss him though. Everytime my phone lights up, I get excited, lol. I have to see him this weekend.

Yea, I'm a hostess. Fuck you guys, lol.

breath of fresh air.

2008-09-30T20:45:00.005-04:00

You are exactly what I need right now, and I hope you stay exactly what I want you to be.

This process can be soooo nerve racking. The beginning. Everything is expected to go smooth, and work out the best way it's supposed to. I will admit, I'm still apprehensive about what's to come. What if things change, what if things don't end up being what how I want them to be in the future? The truth is - I'm terrified, but for once in a while, I'm willing to take the risk. I feel like, I'm minutes away from performing a symphony or something, and adrenaline is pumping like blood through my veins. Ugh, lol - this is ROUGH. I feel so dependent, now. Before, I could at anytime say, "Fuck this, I'm not even going to get involved with it". But now things have changed, and he has a say so with how I feel. Dependence is touch, especially when you're not used to it. I guess we'll see how ready I am, won't we?

Everyone's talking about how happy they are for me, and I'm feeling a little bit like they're jinxing me, lol. Bullshit, right? But I can't help but to feel paranoid. I havent's blogged about him until now, specifically because of the fact that every time I blog about a guy I like, something goes wrong. Should I even be typing now? I probably shouldn't, but I'm willing to try. Please don't let this be suicide. It's already seeming too good to be true, can I for once keep this good thing?

My mind is working in overdrive, and my face hurts more and more daily from all the smiling. I told him he causes me pain, and to stop making me smile. :( He doesn't listen. His kisses are like freaking hot chocolate in the winter time. His massages work like magic, and his personality is one of a DORK! UGH, he makes me feel soooo GAY! You know what, I'm done, LMAO.

Fuck this cake shit, yo.

Yo.

2008-09-16T21:18:00.001-04:00

I took this picture of Khloe today. Thought it was kind of cool. Behold.

(click)

She's cool as balls, no?

Jay

2008-09-15T20:04:00.001-04:00

I saw this picture, and thought of you.
:)

I'm soooo getting you this shirt.

See? I do still love you.

ah, been a while, eh?

2008-09-12T19:55:00.004-04:00

Haven't really been up to blogging lately.
Senior year of highschools been a killer.
I got my Canon Rebel XSi DSLR yesterday.
That's me up there ^.
I have a sinus headache.
Nobody comes to say "Hi"
Jay doesn't call anymore.
Life is pretty good.
I'll do a layout change later - maybe.

Peace&ForeverLove.

-edit

- deleted-

say whaaaaaaaat?

2008-08-28T11:57:00.004-04:00

What a week. Not a bad one, though. Things for me have been doing pretty good lately. I've been focused on me - and it's been working out for the better. I've been spending a lot of time with my family too. Mostly my niece and nephew. They're so freaking awesome. <3 The little one is gorgeous, it's like - insane for a baby to be that cute. She's really big, too. Seven months and wearing a size 4 diapers. She reminds me a lot like they used to say I was when I was a baby. She looks just like I did. Our family must have some really strong jeans.

I love her so much, it's crazy. She extra spoiled too, another reason why I think she reminds me of me when I was younger. Her and Juelz are the first two girls in the family in a loooooong time. I'm the last one - So I guess we're doing some type of girl revolution or something now? Maybe?

Keila's leaving for college tomorrow. I'm so proud. :) My baby grew up so fast. We're going up there for some kind of barbeque type thing that they have for all the incoming freshman, and their family's, so that should be cool. I hope I don't cry, that would suck. =\

I had a friend of mine over last night - well him and a few other guys. Mainly just to see Keila before she leaves. But the one, I like him, like - you can tell that he's really goal oriented, and thats really whats up. I try not to get too excited when I meet a guy who seems really nice, but I like what I see so far. Not to mention he's maaad handsome. Ugh, totally the physical imagery I've been wanting. You know what I like - Tall, chocolate skinned, athletically built guy. We'll see what happens - as always. I'm not going to get stupid excited, and then look dumb at the end. I'm riding in the cut ladies and gentlemen. :) But I must say, the breeze does feel nice.

I'm supposed to be going school shopping again with my father today, but he hasn't called me back yet. Men - boy are they something else. He hates going shopping with me, and likes to rush. I HATE that with a burning passion. He hasn't learned yet, that he doesn't have to follow me around the entire mall. All he has to do is find somewhere to sit down, AND SIT. He's always complaining, "My feet hurt", "You haven't found what you want yet?", "I'm not trying to be here all day, now.." UGH, it irritates the HELL out of me. He's extra irritated to know that were going to Somerset today. He's all, "Do you know how to get there, because, I'm not in the mood to get lost.." I'm like daddy, chill outttt. He gets himself worked up over nothing. He needs to learn how to relax, gosh.

I really need some new jeans, and shirts. Really bad. Especially new jeans. I gave 12 pair of my jeans away. Guess what? I ned 12 more. A few nice shirts wouldn't hurt either. Not to mention shoes, and underwear. Ah, how I love Victoria Secrets. Oh, and I need some new bags too - then I should be done.. should be.

I'm ready to go back to school. I know I'm probably going to have homework the first day, ugh. That part I'm not looking forward to so much. But being a senior? I'm ready. Monday came so quick, it's crazy, but all in all, my summer was pretty good. I'm not complaining.

Well, I guess I'll finish waiting for my daddy.
Toodles.
:)

baby boom.

2008-08-22T13:36:00.005-04:00

Save me Lord. I've been babysitting babies for approximately 62 hours - and I am extremely tired. I hate getting up early in the morning - especially when I have to get up and chase someone around all day. Between cooking, cleaning, and changing diapers - I've come to a conclusion. No babies until after college, at the least. I don't know how some people do it! Don't get me wrong, I looooove babies. But doing this everyday? Please. There is no way to have a social life, and watch 3 kids all day. I've been shut off from the social world for almost 3 days now, and damn it I'm sick of it. I can't wait until my cousin gets off work, and takes me back home. She's lucky I love her so much. She didn't have anybody else who could watch them for her, and she practically begged me to go with her. Lol at Dashawn kicking me in the back with his little baby feet. Poor little thing, he's so sick. Despite his cold, he's actually a really happy baby. He's been mostly the handful, but at the same time, the most fun.

I'm so excited that my niece and nephew are coming in tonight from Florida. I haven't seen my nephew in like 3 years, and I've never seen my niece in person yet. She'll be 1 years old in January. She's so beautiful. They were supposed to come with my brother and his wife next week, but because of all that stuff with Hurricane Fay, they're coming in today. I'm going to take so many pictures they're going to be sick of me, lol.

The hotel party thing was a success I guess you can say. We had fun, lol. Besides the fact "Crisco" was trying to get us drunk the whole time. They convinced him to go up to the liquor store and pick up a bottle of 1800, and didn't even want to drink it. I'm like, wtf? You beg the nigga to get you drinks, and now you don't want to drink it? Lol, they're so goofy sometimes. This nigga Sco the whole time, after every sentence was, "Maaaan, take a shot." "You want a shot?" "You looking at it like you want some, take one." I'm thinking, this is the type of shit my mother used to warn me about - niggas who want to get you drunk so they can hit. I took one, and I was done. Lawana took one too, only because I told her I'd take one if she did. I'm not much of a drinker. I'll experiment every now and then, but that's all. Besides, I hate Patron. =\

I swear those nigga's were horny as shit. Tryna pillow fight and sneaking grabs and shit. Guys are funny. Anything will turn them on. A nigga puts on her pajama's and now yall wanna act a nut? Horn balls. I have to admit, the wrestling was fun, though. ;)

I've really been wanting to go out with a guy lately. You know how sometimes you just want to go out and chill with your boys/girls? Yea, it's like that, but the opposite. I really just want to go out, an chill - with a guy. Not even on a real boyfriend girlfriend type thing. Just somebody I can kick it with, of course someone who I'm attracted to though. I'm not about to go hang with just any old nigga, lol. Hopefully I can get some time in before I go back to school. The prom offers are piling in, btw. Lol! Who'd of thought!?

Dashawn likes Pharrell, too.
:)

- sigh

I'm so ready to go out.
My hair is done and everything.
Somebody save me, please?

So, like - yea.

2008-08-21T14:46:00.002-04:00

I'm pretty much blogging because I feel like I haven't in a while.
I think I'm going to change the layout again - shrugs.

Not doing much now but babysitting, 3 boys. God they're a hand full..
Eh, have I ever expressed how much I hate changing diapers?

'_'

I'll be back later.

& we're back here again.

2008-08-11T03:01:00.004-04:00

Wow, long time no hear? I haven't blogged in a while - so I figured I'd bless you all with my presence. I felt like I needed a new blog layout, so I updated. Nothing really fancy as you can see - simple & sweet. Everybody's blogs were starting to look alike so I felt like I needed to do something a different with going back to the basics. Like it? I Love it.

So much has happened since I last blogged it's crazy. I don't even know where to start.. so I'm not, lol. Really though, it's entirely too much to try and type. Maybe If I list it, it'll be shorter. Okay, here we go:

1. My boots came in from Nordstroms
2. Fats & I are on better terms
3. Fats & I are no longer "Fat's & I"
4. My mother told Markus she wants him to take me to my prom
5. Darius somehow snuck back in my life
6. Darius continues to drive me insane because of his stupid ways
7. Darius has a baby girl due on the 31st
8. My brother is in town for a week
9. Our family picnic was Saturday
10. I drunk my first Miller light last night
11. I turned 17.
12. Bryan canceled the pool party an hour before

& after all of that I'm still single. What a week, huh? Crazy Madness is what it really is. If I was to go in depth of all that, my fingers would fall off - so I'm not. But yea, it's pretty crazy. I'm soooo supposed to be washing the dishes right now, eh, they can wait. I'm so tired it's insane. I really should be trying to go to sleep, but I don't feel like it. I know, I'm weird - you don't have to tell me.

I'm still waiting on that feeling ladies & gentlemen. So far, people have been failing - miserably. I don't know if it's because I need to move, or if it's just I attract the wrong kind of guys, but I need a sign or something. I do not understand it for the life of me. It seems like every dude who tries & talks to me has either a girlfriend, or a chick on the side. I'm like wtf? Can I meet an attractive guy, without him being a nigga? UGH, it's mad frustrating. It makes me less & less interested in being in a relationship. It's always the one's I want, I can't have because of another factor. People are lucky I have morals, & I'm not the kind of girl to steal a boyfriend- because I PROMISE you, I would be very set right now. I try to keep your little hearts in consideration because I know how it feels to be played.. but man oh man.. ugh. Let me drop it before I get angry.

-DEEP SIGH

It's been cold the past dew days. I hope this isn't a sign of Fall trying to sneak up on us. I need to enjoy as many hot days as the end of the summer has to offer. Oh, that reminds me. I took my cap and gown pictures for the yearbook last week. Man, it was too surreal. I'm like "Man, this is how I'm going to be looking when I walk that stage.." It was crazy. It's finally here, & I'm too ready. Everyday I get one step closer to college. Yay me. :) lol.

I guess that's all I really want to blog about. I might come back later - who knows.
-shrugs

a bientout.

temporary.

2008-08-10T21:41:00.002-04:00

back to old for a minute - until I update.

peace&love.

apparently, niggas smell "17"

2008-08-01T22:57:00.005-04:00

Today was - great. :) Like, really really nice. I went shopping with Mom dukes & later on caught up with Grams at Parchridge Creek Mall. I pretty much only bought shoes today.. some very sexy one's at that. My mom says she's going to buy a some more next month, so the shoe game is looking pretty crispy righht about now. I went to Nordstroms today & guys were going nuts! Lol! You know how you can feel people staring at you? Yea, that's how today was. I guess a sister turns 17, and all of the sudden everybodies looking at her? The attention was cool I guess, though. This one guy "Thomas" was acting like he worked in the shoe department, just so he could talk to me, how cute, right? Lol, I'm like "Okay since you work here, where's the Coach section?" Dude's walking around aimlessly not having a clue where he's going, and ends up asking a sales rep. "She's my co-worker". Lol, riiiight. He was cute, so I gave him my number - not to mention very crispy. ;) Guys hilarious, too. -shrugs

Walking through the mall today was mad fun, though. I think I want to do it again tomorrow, eh? I got to take my cap & gown pictures up at Motown tomorrow, & then I'm going to go and try to make it to Lawanna's Open House. That should keep me entertained for a while. Who knows? Might go to a party or something later on tomorrow.

It looks like we're going to be going over to Red Lobster tuesday, to celebrate me & Keila's birthdays. That's DEFINITELY going to be fun. Her friends, & my friends, together? Hilarity. I can see us giving them a damn of a lot or money that night. Plus, I miss hanging out with my girls.. & guys. :) The "Crew", so to speak.

I was kind of suprised at how many birthday calls & texts I got today - not to mention the one's from people I wasn't expecting, or even have my number for that matter. See? All people aren't bad. They're still some nice people out there. That's good to know, lol. There is only maybe 3 people I can say I was expecting to call, but didn't - one of them might be calling now.. HA! It is! Hi Darius! - waves. So 2 people. But who knows what might happen. They're two more hours in the day.

Darius was just telling me about how he might have a baby on the way sometime around the 31st. Wow. He claims that it might not be his, though. But you know how that is. I'm just glad that's not me. I would have died, came back to life & died again. =\ He said he wants to take me out tomorrow for my birthday but psh, I've heard those words before. Maybe I can squeeze a gift out of him, lol. Na, let me quit. I'm not the gold-digging type. He'll probably end up buying me something without me even asking. That's just the type of guy he is. He probably would have been a good boyfriend. We started talking about 2 years ago, & he's been on me like a bee to honey ever since. I just wish he wasn't so sensitive sometimes, though. He takes some things too seriously - that's part of the reason I didn't want to be with him & of course for other reasons..

Minus that he's a really good guy. It'll be fun hanging with him tomorrow.

Aren't they cute? I had to order them because they didn't have my size in the store. I can't wait until they get here. :) 2nd Pair of Ed Hardy's ever. I've only worn the other ones once - ugh. I need to buy an outfit or something to go with them. Ed Hardy clothes aren't cheap, yahdemeen? A nigga like me needs a job - or her daddy to send her some more money. =\

been fun blogging with ya` folks. until next time. :)

- EDIT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUELZ, BEW!

I hope you make today a great one!

august 1, 1991

2008-08-01T01:23:00.002-04:00

Thank God for giving me another year on this earth.

& The million dollar question of the night is... "How does it feel?" And truthfully - it feels good. I didn't think it would really feel like anything in particular, but I actually feel a little different. 17 feels good. I'll never be 16 again, and it's good to know, lol. I'm greatful. Thanks everybody for the birthday wishes - I really appreciate it. Today I'm going to just hang out I think, you know, enjoy my day & be cute, lol.

High off life is a good phrase for right now I guess. I'm actually feeling pretty good. Just finished watching Knocked Up, great movie. I'm going to go watch Superbad when I get done blogging, then probably get some sleep.

Not going to make this one long - I don't really have much to say. I love my friends, they're freaking awesome. <3 I love you guys, like really. I don't know what I'd do without them. It's just good knowing that they is always someone there for you - looking out. Thanks..

goodnight world.
:)

someone please call 911

2008-07-31T11:54:00.002-04:00

- yawns

What's going on people? Doing good? Good. I feel as though I should blog today - about nothing in particular. I'm on the Desktop because the laptop is with the lady getting fixed hopefully. She told me that I should get rid of Ares, & that it's probably had a lot to do with why my computer is all jacked up. Sad, right? I can't help it. I need my music. I guess I'll have to go back to buying CDs again. Forgive me Hip-Hop, R&B, Pop, & Rock world. Have I ever expressed how irritating bangs are? Omg, they poke my in the eyes like all day everyday! UGh! I might cut them shorter because I can't take it. The price we pay for beauty, man.

Our class is having another "bonding" activity on Saturday. I don't think I'm going to go, though. I probably should, but I can see me not having a good time this time around. Have you ever had something you look at, & it just makes your stomach hurt? Kinda like a nervousness, or anxious feeling? Yea, I can see me having that the entire time. Not to mention awkwardness. I don't know. A lot had changed since the school year ended. Isn't that something? Summer begins, & relationships get worse - well at least for some people. But yea, I'll pass on making myself sick. I have jealous tendencies, lol.

So, as it turns out. I'm not getting my dslr for my birthday. I promise you I wanted to cry. Dad shot me down, I'm afraid. He sent me $300, like here, have fun. I'm like are you serious? I probably sound like an ungrateful brat, but I can't help but feel played. If I wanted money, I would have asked for it. I WANT MY DAMN CAMERA.. I'm trying to recover from that slowly. He claims he's not getting it because he's still trying to save up for a house, psh - riiight. Whatever though. I need to stop talking about it before I get mad again. Maybe I can talk him into doing the monthly thing at Bestbuy when he gets home in two weeks. Men sure do know how to hurt a woman's feelings.

Myles called me yesterday trying to get on, again. Lol, my moms always like, "Why are you so mean to him?". I'm like mean? ME? Naa. I'm just not interested. Is that so bad? He called me bitter, like "Some nigga must have broke your heart or something". I laughed. Dude, if only you knew. But he thinks thats the reason why I won't talk to him. Baah. It has nothing to do with that. I just don't want to be involved with somebody like him. He trys to tell me what he can do for me & how I could have anything I want - blah blah. Once again, I'm not that type of girl. You flashing money in my face is definitely not going to make me want to be with you. I have a father & grandfather for that type of thing. Poor thing, if only he'd learn.

Keila's trying to throw this Hotel party after her open house. At first I was all for it - until she showed me what hotel she was trying to go to. It's a 1 1/2 star hotel. = Somewhere waaaay on the eastside. The building looks old as hell & dirty, too. I might have to take a rain check on that one. She's so worried about the price that she doesn't want to stay in a nice hotel. "It's only $60 a night." Wtf? SO!? It's probably Herpes & AIDS swimming all up and down that pool & jacuzzi. And they put the jacuzzi's in the rooms too? Na, I'll pass. I enjoy being STD-free. Bring a blacklight to that boy and I bet you'll change your mind..

Bryan's having another pool party next week. I'm actually kind of excited about it. I haven't been swimming the entire summer, so hopefully that will be cool. I get to show off my hot bod. ^_^, lol. Let me stop. But yea - looking forward to that. I might call Markus today & see if he wants to do something. He said he wanted to hang out for my birthday so we'll see.

off to continue my daydreaming else-where.

I even keep his picture in my passport.

2008-07-29T22:26:00.003-04:00

Another day of absolutely nothing. I pretty much chilled all day. White Boy called me about 5 times today talking about how his girl friend was tripping because my number was in his phone. Funny, right? I'm like really? She's mad? We don't even talk like that, definitely not enough for her to get mad. Females will be females I guess. I told him to tell her I only date blond haired white boys, lol. That broad was tripping.

Still waiting for my dad to give me that call. I'm going to cry if he turns me down. :( I've been dreaming every week about that damned camera. That's all I really want anyways, besides some more shoes. I'm starting to get back into sneakers again. I bought my first pair of dunks in a while saturday - later I found out that they were leo zodiac sign dunks. Ironic, right? Lol, I had no idea. LEOS ARE THE SHIT, NIGGA! Juelz & Ace know. - daps

I'm really craving some Coke right now. The drinkable kind, you line snorters! I killed a whole 2 liter bottle by myself last night. Something about it is.. addicting. I need to see if my uncle feels like going to the store real fast for me. This is why I need a car! People like me have cravings that need to be tended to immediately! Speaking of which, I almost crashed the jeep the other day, lol. If I wasn't so determined that I wasn't going to jack that boy up, I'd of had a air bag in my face sunday. I scared the shit out of my moms. We were on the freeway and I was about to miss my turn on a forked road, & she yells out "STOP!". I'm thinking, I can't stop on a freeway! Somebody's going to smash into the back of us- so I cut the fork really sharp going mad fast around the curve. Lol, tires screeching and all. But I kept control though! I turned the shit out of that corner. :) Fuck that, I'm the shit! ... I still need a lot of practice, though, lol.

I'm so ready for college, DUDE! This year is going to be fun, though. Amiri's mom cried when I came back home on our way to the airport. We were all jacked up. She gave me the offer of living with them down there for my senior year. I still haven't decided completely, but I'm probably going to go ahead & finish up at Renaissance. I've worked hard there for 3 years now - I might as well finish my last year. Amiri's coming home for Prom & Homecoming too, so I'll be seeing her in a few months. I'll probably try & get down there again before the school years out. Amiri only needs two clases to graduate, too! I was heated & hating! Lol! I love her, though.

--------------

I truly believe the Devil roams this earth in different forms. They say he was had the gift of gab. He makes things sound & seem so right, when they're totally the opposite. Almost 17 & almost more wise then the oldest of my friends. Wow. I don't need people like that around me, like I really don't. That give you insight on people's personalities. Are you really that easily influenced. I understand that there are somethings in life that no one knows, I understand that man has many unanswerable questions, I get all of that. Like Jay said, Curiosity is the death of mankind. People think themselves out of faith. If you believe something, you believe it. Period, point blank. There is nothing anyone can tell you that will make you think otherwise. That's why I feel like faith is so special. It's not for the weak. You think because someone comes up to me & is like, "Hey, God isn't real, because you have no proof he exists." Hell no. Scientist didn't know that protons & neutrons existed - but oh damn, they do, don't they? Nigga, have you not seen the Boondocks? "The Absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence". And even despite that, Faith isn't about proof. You believe what you believe because you believe it with every fiber of you heart. That's it. The brain has nothing to do with it. Faith isn't about making since, & I hope someone out there realizes that. No, I don't go to church Sunday, and no, I don't read my bible as often as I should. But I know one thing, I do believe in God.

Got me in here mixing curse words with my savior, ugh. Enough venting.

--------------

Must I remind you again my birthday's in 2 days?

birthday wish

2008-07-29T03:17:00.002-04:00

Soon, very soon.

Hopefully, I Pray.

:(

back like raw crack.

2008-07-26T22:09:00.001-04:00

Omg, it's been a long time kids!
I've been out of town for the past 3 weeks, so I've been missing in action for a while.
I plan on updating really soon. The Laptop has to go in for repairs over the weekend
so, we'll see.

Guess whose birthday's in 6 days?
ME.

:)

Kay, gotta go read up on all the blogs I missed.

bbl.

can you say, migrane?

2008-07-05T01:35:00.003-04:00

Today was a very good day.

:)

Hanging out with mommy, & having dudes stare at me was fun. Hahaa! Grown ass men. I know I'm sexy, but damn, you know?

19 is my cut-off until I'm 18.. okay? Okay.

I'm on the phone with Jbee, he's drinking a cup of Kool-Aide, & screaming my nickname in my ear, lol. He is too cute!

I have a really bad headache, so I'm not in the mood to sit in front of this computer screen all night telling you hoes about my night. Maybe another time, kay? I'd rather talk on the fun with him. -points to phone. But I will leave you with this. This is Detroit for you, lol. He let me take a picture. :)

LMAO.

goodnight :)

- cries

2008-07-04T14:44:00.002-04:00

Nobody wants to be bothered with me today.
Sad Story, right?

I'm waiting for Markus to get off of work, hopefully he can save me from this nothingness. Jbee doesn't have the car today. UGH.. I feel bad, I never called him back, he probably thinks he did something. I think I'm going to call him back when I finish up here.

Amiri's ready for me to come down, FINALLY. Hopefully, I'll be out of here by sometime next week. I'll be gone for 2 weeks, man.. I need to get some clothes before then.

The photoshoot with Kris & the band is still scheduled for Sunday. I miss her & Shaunte' a loooot. Can't wait to see those goofy whores.

I actually did find out that my mom doesn't have to work today, so worst comes to worst, I'll be hanging with her downtown. I'm entirely too cute today to stay in the house. AND I just did my hair last night. I'll be damned If I'm confined to this house looking this good. I'm sure there's some guy out there that wouldn't mind being bothered looking at something sexy. :) Lol, lemme stop. But seriously, Markus - I NEED YOU TODAY. So pull through, okay?

I think I'm about to walk around the neighborhood with the dog for a minute, you know.. get a few whistles here & there.

bbl.

ha, isn't this funny.

2008-07-03T03:53:00.002-04:00

I'll be truthfully honest. I've felt & admitted to being lonely for the first time in a looooong time. See what happens when you start involving yourself with people? Ew, this sucks, lol. And I don't want to talk to just any old body. I want to talk to Jb. Oh, you didn't know? That's his new nickname. I like it, I think it's cute. I'll have to tell him next time I talk to him. Hehe..

Family comes first. Yes indeed. I respect it, though. Don't get it messed up though, kid! I'm not sweating it or nothing! - ahem. Just miss the punk face a little, that's all. ME? ATTACHED? Pshh! I'm TOO FLY TO GET ATTACHED!!

Maybe I'm getting slightly attached. But just a little!

What can I say!? I like the boy a little, gosh. Usually, we'd be on the phone right now. Shit, we still had another good 1 1/2 good hours of talk time left. I can't wait until I see his ugly face again so we can hang, lol. Oh, joy!

Sike Naw, I'm Bullshitting.
not

SuckerFree

2008-07-02T23:11:00.001-04:00

Listening to this interview.
Jay paused my question.
:(

I'm sad.

I'll call back, though.

- smiles devilishly

Monday, already?

2008-06-30T14:21:00.006-04:00

- stretches & yawns

Wow, did I really just fall alseep on the phone last night? Lol, BOTH of us were knocked out! I hope I wasn't saying any weird shit either.. that would be very embarrassing, lol. Anyways, yesterday was an okay day - despite the fact that my mom pissed me off because of her misleading ass ways. It's like she teases me with what I want, and then pulls some old, "I don't have to let you do anything, I never promised you .." type shit. BITCH, DON'T WAVE THE SHIT IN MY FACE LIKE YOUR GOING TO LET ME DO SOMETHING, AND THEN SWITCH UP! -sigh. She makes me sick sometimes, I promise. So as of right now, we're on non - speaking terms.. She started it..

Apparently, I have a "bew". Well, at least he has a "bew". But whatever, things aren't always what they seem, and I'm not rushing anything of course. But I do like him, and he obviously likes me too. And you know what I really like about him? Sex is never the topic of our discussion. Never. I mean, he may sneak in a few cakey jokes here and there, but never sex. I like that, lol. I've always said, I HATE IT when I first meet a guy, and he asks me .. "So, uhh, you a freak?". Guess what? You've just ruined your chances with me. Congratulations, asshole. His brother is supposedly getting out of jail tomorrow, and he invited me to the festivities. Lol, yes, I know, I know, brother in prison? Red Flag? But it was a sweet gesture, though. People get caught up, you know? Drug game of course, and been in for 5 years. I'm happy for him, low key. But yea, he's telling me how ALL his family is going to be there, and they're cooking and everything. I'm like whoa kid, that's a big step. I'm not just meeting his mother, BUT HIS WHOLE FAMILY. He like, "You shy?". Lol, nigga no! That's not the issue.. this is you're entire family we're talking about, hello? Who wouldn't be a little nervous. He's lucky I'm a people person. So, we'll see what happens with that. I might go, I might not.

Guess what? My birthday is in a Month. :) Yaaay Me! And as soon as I turn 17, I'm getting online, and putting in an application for Best Buy. I want to work there so bad. :( That's like, the PERFECT job for me. Oh, and then I'm going to go to the movies, and see an R rated movie.. BY MYSELF! Lol, Geeked up, right? I've alwaaaays been the baby of all my friends, old hoes. One more year, and I'll be club hoping. Haha.. ahhhh, what fun will that be.

I can say I'm a little disappointed in a few people as of today. Somethings people say just have you like, oh, forreal? You know that feeling? When you talk to somebody, and you're kind of like arguing, and they say something waaaaaaaaay off, and you're like Oh, real talk? That's how you feel? That's how I'm feeling right now. And then there's others too, the ones who play roles. You know, actors. Yes, pretenders. Two people in particular come to mind when I think about these things, and it's really kind of funny. "Should of cuffed." Do you know how long that text has been lingering in my brain? Do you know how PISSED off I immediately was? Don't you ever tell me what route I should have gone with you. So you finally interested somebody else, so? Don't go so far as to tell me any shit like that. Nigga, YOU should have been more aggressive in what you wanted, and maybe you could have cuffed me. Guess not, though, huh? Have fun with you're little interests. Hope she does you better.

And that other one, lol. That to me is just funny. Nothings really changed, despite how much you might think it has. One night doesn't make anything different, at least not for me. But you're so close to being on the fringe anyways, it's not going to matter for much longer. When I need something, I'll call. Really, though. You don't have to worry about not feeling like talking to me, I don't call to talk - I call when I need something. Matter of fact, I'll just text for now on, so that way, we don't get confused, kay? Kay.

Maybe turning 17 is more important than I initially thought?

Me and Keila were talking about my favorite and most confusing topic - our futures. What does my future really have in store for me? Will I make it through 6 years of college while staying focused? Or will I fall off the map - no, that's not even a possibility. No one is going to hold me back from my own success. After high school, I'm going to fending for myself. None of that staying at home, and living with moms. I'm out of here right after my summers done. Who knows? I might even spend my whole summer down south, and just go to school when it's that time. My future is looking so bright. I just have to put in my effort, and things will go EXTRA smooth. But, that's a blog for another day, I'm afraid.

peacelove&blessings

legally & illegally.

2008-06-28T07:32:00.002-04:00

Smh at me still being up at 7:33 a.m., IMing Jay. We can't sleep. :( We suck. He wants me to do his blog, ugh... users. All they do is use talented people like me. I'll do it, but he doesn't know it's going to cost him.. dirty bastard.

Guess what I'm listening to? Kick Push. :) Bobbing and everything. This was the very first time I heard Lupe, and I'm like, "Yea, this guy is cold." That was sooo long ago. Oh wow. I guess you probably want to know about my day and shit, right? Okay, fine.. don't beg.

Today I hung out with Sharice, Mook and Keila. Sharice took us over to Keyonna's house to eat. She cooked us potatoes and porkchops, shit was good, too. I fucked that porkchop up, lol. Tell me why when we were trying to leave, Sharice car started racing and shit? I'm talking smoke everywhere. Ugh, we went ahead and let her drive home. We figured there wasn't any sense off having her take us back home, so we has my moms picks us up from there. Later we went to the movies. WANTED WAS THE BEST MOVIE I'VE SEEN SO FAR THIS YEAR. Shit was great. Angelina Jolie is beautiful, no homo; Morgan Freeman is hilarious. "Otherwise... shoot THIS motherfuckkerrrr.." You'd have to see it, shit is mad funny.

Did I tell you how much pain I was in a few days ago? Nigga, I could barely walk, lol. Body all sore and shit. Back, Neck, all that was hurting. :( My back still kind of hurts, actually. I need to go soak somewhere, ugh.

I'm supposed to be getting my hair colored soon, I'm kind of excited. Nothing drastic, though. I wanna be a brunette, without the sun, lol. The only time my hair looks light is when I take a picture with the flash, or outside. That's some bullshit, lol. So, yea.. Brown it is. I'm going to be sexified, HA!

You know I think? I'm too cute to be single. What the flip is up with that? But then I think I'm too cute to be in a relationship. I'm torn. :( Maybe it's because it's the summer time. -shrugs. Ehh, this sucks - the confusion I mean. The being single thing is fine, I'll continue to juggle my man candies for now.

I WANT METAL GEAR SOLID 4, NOW!!!

:(

talk to you niggers later.

Yooooooo!

2008-06-26T15:35:00.003-04:00

Hellooooo world.
Been a minute, yes yes, I know.

:)

I got a call from a friend last night. You remember him, right?
Well, we're going out!

Ha, tall sexy ass.. ugh!

I love young men. I don't see how you lesbians give that up..
but whatever.

I've told you what tall athletic guys do for me, right? Yea..
It's a wrap!

- screams

take a bow.

2008-06-21T12:04:00.003-04:00

This song is so easy to put in situations that happen in my life, lol. "You look SO DUMB RIGHT NOW." I love Rihanna for this one. You're very entertaining indeed. I can't believe you sometimes, that's how much of a good actor you are, Broadway is for you, certainly.

You pretend to be this good person, who cares sooo much, when really, you're one of the most selfish people I know. Stop begging for attention, you don't deserve it. We've talked about this before too - you know you're selfish. Wow, people are amazing. Sometimes I just think about you and shake my head..

It must feel good, you know, not giving a damn. Not having a care in the world. You would think you would feel bad, at least a little, but not you, lol. But you go on living life as if you're innocent, and no one can tell you otherwise. Never wrong, that's you. Yeah. Right.

Have fun Lying your way through life.
I hope Karma kicks your ass.

later.

TYG.

2008-06-19T00:03:00.005-04:00

thank. you. god.

Good things come to those who wait, and gosh darnit, I've been waiting long enough. Is this possibly what I've been looking for? I keep telling myself that's it's waaaaaaaay too early to tell anything right now, but let me just say that I'm feeling really good right now. I needed that breathe of fresh air... damn that air was fresh.

Cute as can be, tall, pretty smile, POLITE, and competitive. Lol, I can't stop smiling. Even if nothing comes from today, I just appreciate feeling that high that I haven't felt in a while. It's exciting meeting new people - what can I say? I'm a sociable person. :) I don't think your understanding me... all the males that have been trying to talk to me lately, I haven't been much interested in. But FINALLY, someone catches my attention from first glance. And the killer part is, we chilled like we've been knowing each other for months. I reaaaallly don't want to jinx, or mess myself up either. I'm not looking forward to boosting my expectations up high, to be disappointed in the end, so.. I'll stop talking about it. But lets just say, He's caught my interests.

STOP!

In other neeeews... my cousin Keila bear graduated today! I cried like a little punk biotch, lol. It was so nice. We lal went out to eat, and pretty much chilled all day with her. This will be my last summer with her before she goes to college, and damn it's really bittersweet. I'm so proud of her, though. It's crazy how fast high school goes by. Before you know it, I'll be up out of here too. Speaking of that, I'm still trying to find a nice college to go to for my major. Down south is still pretty much where I'm trying to go.. If I can land somewhere like Atlanta or Florida.. even the Carolina's things will be goody.

- yawn.

I'm kinda sleepy. I've been up since 7. Blog with you ladies & gents later?

outro.

Somethings never change.

2008-06-17T02:52:00.003-04:00

Yes, this goes for people too. If it's one thing I HATE, more than anything in the world, is to be lied to - continuously. Especially when I know for a FACT that your lying. UGH, that is such a turn off. I don't lie to you, so why do you lie to me? I don't understand it. Why do people do that? How can you expect me to trust you, when you lie constantly.. And I just act like I don't know anything, psh, yea right. How dumb do you really think I am? C'mon now, you've known me long enough to know I'm no idiot.

And then you want a 'relationship'. Lying will get you none of that. I can't trust anybody anymore, ugh! I hate that! Just tell the fucking truth. MY GOODNESS YOU'RE A BITCH! Stop acting like a little punk and be real with me, damn. You know what? Keep your lies, I'm sick of your bullshit. I've been putting up with this shit for too long now.

- SCREAMS

I bet you read this blog wondering who I'm talking about... you.
older posts.

everybody, let's go.

2008-06-16T16:16:00.004-04:00

Surprisingly, a lot can happen in a few days, you know? I've had a complete change of plans that I wasn't expecting to have at all. Seems I've made my mother extremely happy, too. Some will be disappointed, some will be proud, others won't really give two shits. But here's the scoop - well, I'll tell you the beginning first..

I was on AI's website the other day (Art Institutes) and I decided to get on the little Live Chat thing. It's this IMing service that allows you to talk with people that work for the school If you have any questions. So, I'm talking to this Kristina chick, and you know what she tells me? She explains to me that my credits I get from taking my classes there might not be transferable. Wtf? The fuck you mean they might not be transferable? I'll be damned if I go to a school where my credits can't be tranfered if something happens. So you know what I did? I crossed AI off of my College Go-To list. So then I thought, I still have Full Sail to think about... and then I thought again.. The major that I wanted, they only had an Associates Degree for it. Yea, minor set back?

I've always said if I couldn't go to an Art Specialty school, then I didn't want to go. I refuse to go to 'Eastern University', and major in Art. So you're probably thinking, If you're not going to do that, then.. What are you going to do?

HaHa! I thought the samething. :( But no sad faces over this way. I began using my brain.. and asked myself this question, What else do I like to do? Then it came to me, I'm an athlete.. duh. I'm absolutely intrigued with the human anatomy... DOUBLE DUH. And there it came.. Sports Medicine/Physical Therapy. To some of you, you're probably like.. booooring. But fuck you. Not only to they almost make 6 figures out of college, that shit is going to be fun. Do you know how many sexy ass athletes I get to mess with!? LOL, let me stop. But yea, it sound extra interesting, and It's DEFINITELY going to be paying the bills. Yea, I'll have to be in school for 6 years, but thats better than sitting around struggling for 6 years because I have to work 2 or 3 jobs to live. I've seen my parent's struggle financially, and I'll be damned If I go through that.

Now, don't think I won't be hustling still. I still plan on doing art jobs here and there for a little extra money. Everybody has to hustle every now and then. And maybe If I really still want to, I can go back to school and get my Art degree, too. Sounds like a plan to me, a little hardwork never hurt anybody. I'm going to be marketable as hell. - daydreams. I look forward to it, so I'm happy with my decision. Hopefully God allows me to live that long to experience the fruits of my hardwork. God, PLEASE don't kill me anytime soon, LOL. But he's always looked out, he's got me. :)

I'm actually really excited. I can't wait. Now I just have to find some internships, and use my family as resources to get all the information I need. I have a lot of researching to do. -sigh.
I'm ready, though.

Wish me Luck.

I gotta make it.

Aysha & Deja Mini-Shoot

2008-06-15T01:06:00.007-04:00

Nothing Spectacular, more-so spur of the moment.
I love them, aren't they cute?
( click for higher quality )

gone.

Apples Born of Pomegranates

2008-06-14T23:40:00.003-04:00

People connect with each other everyday .

It`s so amazing how one person becomes friends with another

Someone you didn`t even know existed

can end up knowing your deepest, darkest secrets .

The human need to feel, understand, and be understood

brings us all together .

Does anyone else find it almost strange that we NEED to

have friends, family, companionship ?

That without the influence of others

there`s a possibility that we would never know who we truly were ?

There is a need and a desire for human contact

[ even if only virtually for those who don`t go outside ]

and it`s just ....

wow

How we operate is just fucking awesome .

by the way

we all know China`s a ho` and can`t think like the above lmao

tis kenzie

yeup i be the sheit

- yawn & stretch

2008-06-14T07:41:00.005-04:00

I am SO tired. Dude, it's eight o'clock in the morning, and I've been trying to get this layout shit done for the past 7 hours. UGH. I'm satisfied, for now. Now unfortunately both my laptop AND desktop are acting Gay, so I can't upload any new music. - cries. The world can be so cruel, you know? Well? Do you like it? Shit, you better, shit took me long enough. I'm not doing anymore all nighters for a while. If your not viewing from FireFox, shit is really going to look jacked up, btw - so, do yourself a favor, AND DOWNLOAD FIREFOX. Besides, you should have it anyways.. all the cool people do. I'm not completely done with this yet either. I still want to add pictures and stuff here and there, you know, a few more things to fill my hoe ass sidebar up with, yah`de`meen?

I have class today, and I haven't had any sleep. :( I'm going to end up falling alseep right in the middle of drawing, lol. Ugh, that's embarrassing. I don't like to be embarrassed. It feels weird. You know what else? My side is really sore, and I don't know why. Oh, and at my classes 'bonding' thingy at belle isle yesterday, I ran into a pole. - screams. My elbow hurts so bad. They were throwing water balloons, and I was running because I didn't want to get my hair wet, and then... BAM! I ran smack dead into the tent post. Lol, yea I'm clumsy, SO!? I was born this way

Jay, your phone is Gay. Just thought I'd let you know.

I wonder how many hours of sleep I'll get in before class, eh, hopefully enough. I want to try and see 'Mr. Perfect' today, but I'm not sure exactly how thats going to go. After getting STOOD UP AGAIN for the movies, my mom isn't in the mood to take me anywhere. What's up with that? Is this Stand up China week or something? Do I stink? Why doesn't anyone want to pick me up anymore. :'( Jay, shut up. So much for FRIENDS. Niggas want to take all day to go to the movies, UGH. I need my license, like, right now. This is getting out of control. A person can only depend on transportation for so long, especially when niggas decide they don't want to go through with plans!

There were a lot of sad faces in this blog.. - sighs.
Maybe later today (if I have the energy) I'll finish my layout. Right now is sleepy time.

------------------------------------

|1:02 pm.

I'm back! That sleep was actually really really good. I feel much better - but I still don't want to go to class. Heh, it's the last one, I guess I might as well go just for the kicks. Sometimes, a girl just isn't in the mood to draw, you know? I'd much rather be going out somewhere else, you feel me? Yea, you feel me.

Oh! Did I mention what came in yesterday!? My glasses! They're finally here! - does funky chicken. I'm sooo happy. I have them on now. They're my first pair of Dolce and Gabana glasses ever. :) I looooove them. I just hope nothing happens to them, because then, I'm going to cry. Aren't the cute?

Thanks daddy. :) Speaking of which, Happy Fathers Day to all the daddies. Excluding the ones who haven't been taking care of business. I hope today makes you feel very foolish, you prick. TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAMNED BABIES! My daddy went back yesterday. Ironic, right? He goes back the day before Fathers Day? Damn government. They did that on purpose. =\.

I'm hungry. Be back in a few.

deuce.

so like.

2008-06-14T01:30:00.002-04:00

yea, I want to redo my blog..
and I mean like, something different

SOOOOOO..

I'll be getting back into the html and actual layouts
again. What a struggle this will be.

:(

I haven't done any serious html'ling since
Blackplanet.

=\

AND NOW, MY JOURNEY BEGINS, AGAIN.

Live from the pits of Hell

2008-06-08T23:19:00.002-04:00

ITS HOT AS HELL.

OMG.

I'm in my house sweating bullets. Ew, it's sooo uncomfortable in my house right now. My hot ass has on some boxers and a sports bra. =\ I'm in TOTAL dike mode right now, no homo, btw. It's been a while, hasn't it? Yea? Yea. I've had a pretty eventful weekend, how bout you folks, ugh. So, lets get this ish started.

My and my little sister got our ears pierced today. WHOOOOW! I finally gots my cartilage pierced. Do you know I was <-- that close to convincing my dad to get my nose pierced today too?? Dude, I was about to jump from earth to the heavens shouting halleujah, but I stopped and thought.. "What's my mom going to say when I walk in the house with this in my nose..." Then I though.. "Na, maybe another time.." LOL. UGH. A shame, right?

You know what I hate? Getting stood up. That shit makes me want to go and stab somebody. Especially when I could be doing something else more valuble with my time. How the hell do you ask ME out, and then stand me up, and ignore my phone calls? You know what? Fuck you. YES. YOU. I am thoroughly disappointed in you. I'm supposed to be able to depend on you, and this is how to do me? Fine, be that way, but don't ask me to go anywhere else with you. Period. Inconsiderate coochie face. >=[

-sigh.. you people make me sick sometimes.

Hmm.. what else has been up. Umm.. shit. Not much. I guess my weekend wasn't that exciting after all. - shrugs. Oh well. Maybe I'll have something better to blog about later.

IM TOO HOT TO TYPE

bye.

dun dun duuuuuuun

2008-06-04T12:14:00.003-04:00

How Does Word Verification Work?

Automated programs can't "read" the word you see in the box; only humans can. When you enter this word, it ensures that your results are being displayed to a real person, as opposed to a machine that is collecting information for illegal purposes, and helps to reduce system loads which improves site performance. If you don't see an image, make sure your browser is set to display images and try again. If you're not sure about what the word is, make your best guess. If you're incorrect, you'll get another chance to enter a different word on the next screen.

Do you know HOW LONG I've been trying to figure that out? I just didn't understand for the life of me. Only humans can read it? Wtf? MOST OF THE TIME, I CAN BARELY READ THAT SHIT. I get sick of typing those letters in.. -sigh. Don't try and act all brand new, either.. you didn't know your damn self. But yea, I had to clear that up, for myself.. and all you other people.

Longer blog later.

"Goodbye is forever, so I'll just say see you later."

2008-05-31T08:40:00.002-04:00

My eyes hurt.
I cried so much yesterday.
- fans eyes

ugh, they're trying to come again..

We were ALL crying like little bitches yesterday.

I miss them so much already.
When I saw my other mommy crying, that was it for me.
Man this is soooo weird. That's like my second family, and I miss and love them like crazy. I can't wait until I go down there and hang with them for a few weeks, LMAO. They're going to get sick of me.

I Love You guys. Have a safe trip.

---------------------------------------------

On a happier note...
I'M A SENIOR NOW!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Also, my grades are actually looking pretty decent!
I WILL be leaving the 11th grade on the honor roll!
:)

Yay China!
I'm so happy about that. I was getting worried for a minute that
I wouldn't be able to pull my grades up in time. - wipes forehead. I hope
all my friends have good grades too. Mykel is stressing because he thinks his report
card is going to be jacked up. I hope he makes it.. I would hate to lose him too for next year.

I'm supposed to be going out of town today. My dads making me drive all the way down south to North Carolina to see the family and stuff. I miss them too. It'll be nice seeing my grandma, all my aunties, uncles, and cousins again. It's been a minute. Everybody's growing up man, It's crazy how time flies. I have to mentally prepare myself for this road trip, lol. That's a lot of miles to drive. Hopefully we'll be fine, though. The guy upstairs will make sure of that. :)

I'm going to make this summer a fun one. A really fun one. If I can get a job, that would be good too, lol. Oh snap. Did I tell you we bought a ps3 the other day? I begged my dad to get me Grand Theft Auto, and he did. :D. The game is shweeeeeeeeet. I can't wait to go back over that and finish playing it. The graphics are freaking sick.

Well, thats all for now, my dad should be pulling up pretty soon to get up out of here. Until next time!

- peace & love x2

she's freaky, and she knows it.

2008-05-27T22:28:00.002-04:00

Did you know half of the time, my titles are completely irrelevant to what I'm blog about? It's usually a line from a song I'm listening to. Completely random, I mean, that is if you cared to know or not. Yea, just wanted to clear that up, lol. So Ms, Troup's final tomorrow, I'm going to ACe the shit out of that bitch. The index card thing really helped. As long as she doesn't try and pull any funny business, I should be straight. Hopefully Ishak's final will be good too, I'm pretty confident that I'll do pretty good on that - eh, scratch that, I'll do decent, don't want to set the bar too high, lol. C or better!

Why is Justin Timberlake awesomely the shit? Me and my dad were in Jimmy Jazz the other day, and a Timberland and Timberlake song came on. He was bobbing and shit, lol. He's like who is this? I'm like "Justin Timberlake, duh." He refused to believe that Justin Timberlake could come up with any cold songs, ha, got you dad. Justin Timberlake is no longer that pretty little white boy from N'Sync. Yes fajah, JT owns.

Like my layout? :) Yes, I changed it again. This is probably temporary until I feel like doing anything more creative. That's my sister. Isn't she adorable? She's 3, and she comes up to my bellybutton. She's freaking huge, just like her sissy. We're so fine.. LAWD. She's going to get ALL the niggas when she gets older. -sigh.. Little heart breaker is what she's going to be - that is, If I can teach her the art of Macking. Lol, lemme stop. She's mad cute, though.

Keara cried today, ugh. It was about Amiri leaving on Saturday. I refuse to cry this early.. Keara almost got to me though. It's rough, man. Were going to go out to eat Friday, since that will be our last day to get to hang out and stuff. It's a really sad picture that I'm not going to be able to share my senior year with my best friend of 6 years. I hope she has fun down there though. UGH. I can feel me eyes swelling up with ho ass tears. STOP. Okay, lets move on.. enough with the gay shit.

You know what's crazy? How life seems to work it's way out. I guess this kind of pertains to fate and all that good shit. You know, like how you look back at things that have happened in your life, and you think back to how tough it was, be see that you made it through? Yea, that kind of thing. Even relationships. You think back like damn, "I was crazy about this person", or "Damn, I hated your ass". Man. I have so much of my life I want to live, and experience. As teenagers, we think we know so much. I do think I know a lot, but not as nearly as much as age is going to teach me. Me and Jay were talking the other day about Love and all that gay shit. He made a good point, too. He's like you look back at things and people and see how people used to throw around the word "Love" and tell a person that just because they were in a relationship. Like nigga, I didn't love you, wtf? At least the state of "being in Love" I mean. Like, what's the difference between caring for somebody, and Loving somebody? Is there even a difference? Eh, maybe there isn't a difference. -shrugs.

McKenzie, yea, you. I have to talk to you, Ms. Thing. But yea, that can wait until later.

Somebody tell me what I want. I have to be one of the most wishy washy-est people in the universe. For a few hours, I'll have everything planned out, and know exactly what I want to do with myself. Go to sleep, wake up, and then everything I thought I had tied down flies out the window. Maybe I'm over thinking situations again, over thinking leads to indecisiveness, which leads to what I'm going through now, confusion. Being confused sucks. The only thing I know ofr sure is what I don't want. How can someone who knows exactly what she doesn't want, not know what she does want? You know what? I want a lot. Maybe that's it. Then I begin to think I have too high expectations, and then I think "Fuck that." Hmm, I don't know. This shit probably sounds like jiberish to you, doesn't it? Yea, I'll stop rambling.

Understanding. That would be a very good start.

The second I think somebody understands me, I laugh, because then I realize they couldn't possibly understand me when I can barely understand myself. I'm weird, lol, REAL ASS TALK. Now wonder why I have so many male problems. That's one thing about me, I can get into a relationship, but to sustain one? Psh, Good luck. I'm destined to be alone forever, lol. Na, that's not true, at least I don't think so. People think it's easy, it's really not. I have yet to maintain a healthy stable relationship with a male. - DEEP SIGH. This shit gets frustrating after a while, you know? They work out, but something always ends up happening. Then there's always the one's who want to be with me so bad, who I never give a chance for whatever reason. Maybe I'm ignoring things I shouldn't ignore. Nah, thats not it. If I'm not passionate about something, it's inevitably going to fail, period. I can feel myself hardening again. Ugh, I really don't want to, but it always ends up happening. Remember Play Dough? Remember how if you didn't take care of it, and leave it out it would harden and then you couldn't play with it anymore because it was like playing with rocks? Yea. That's kind off it, but not all the way. I want what I need. Give me what I need, and I'll supply what you need. How hard is that to ask of somebody. It's a give and take. I'm not going to keep giving, and your not suppling, lol. YAHDEMEEN!? That's not to say that I'm not a generous person. Actually, many times I feel like I'm too nice, too forgiving. I set myself up to get taken advantage of, and after that, you know what happens? I KEEP GIVING ANYWAY LIKE AN ASSHOLE. It's my nature I guess. But of course, this only lasts for so long, and then eventually I have nothing left to give, then I leave. The story of my life, sad, I know, right?

But hey, everyone has there own problems, these are just mine. Mine are no more special then anyone else's I guess. This is not even the tip of the iceberg of what goes on in this noggin. I need to hire a secretary to come and organize all of the shit up there, ugh. I swear, I think so much sometimes I get headaches, lol. Sad, right? I'm starting to get one now, I can feel it. Hoe ass headaches, ruining my days and what not.

I was thinking today about all my friends. I have more than I thought I did, lol. Some are definitely more close than others, but I have a nice little gang of them. I Love all of them. All my friends aren't even friends, thats the funny part. It's a nice little mix, though. All of them are nerds, in my opinion, lol. Some are athletes, others are artists, some are dancers, and some are stupid smart. Man, separating is going to be sad next year. Maybe I will miss high school more than I thought I would. Hm, that's something to giggle about. A lot has happened from 9th grade to now. I think I'm going to make a list, not now, but later. It'll be fun to make.

This blog is getting lengthy. I'll cut it right here.

-Beaucoup de Amour

Thank you, BlogSpot.

2008-05-21T01:28:00.007-04:00

100th Post!
WOOHOOO!

Thank you, thank you. Can you believe I've been enlightening you people for 100 posts? Freaking insane right? Ahh, I'm happy to be here. :) You all have put up with my bullshitting, bitching, and moaning. Ha, yea right. You niggers live for this shit. You like to hear it, doncha` DONCHA!? Yea, you do. I appreciate it, too. Thank you my babies. Hopefully we can continue to go 100 more strong.

You know what movie I just got done watching? Knocked Up. Freaking Hilarious! Oh my goodness. If you haven't seen it, please go watch it. It's really good. Titty people, you'd like it too. Lots of boobs in that movie. Go ahead, enjoy yourselves. Emotional ass pregnant hoes. Which reminds me. There are a lot of new mothers out there lately, did you realize that? I'm talking young mommies too. Pregnant people look so cute. Especially when they were all skinny at first. Like me, when I get pregnant, I'm going to be cute as hell - AND my boobs are going to be the shit. Now tell me thats not Justice.

- turns on iTunes Playlist

Ah, that's more like it. I'm feeling really good. Not that evertything in my life is necessarily going great right now, but I feel good. That's what's up. Lol. Maybe it's because I've been feeling mad cute lately, yea, that's probably what it is. When you feel good about yourself, nothing can tear you down. A new hairstyle can go a long way, believe it or not - my ole sexy ass. :) No, I'm not conceited, and kinda hate when people tell me that. Vain? Nigga not this one. TRUST, I have my ugly days, and let me tell you.. it is NOT anything to be conceited about! Lol. But I always go back and look at a pretty picture of myself, and think, "Don't worry, you'll be pretty again eventually.." I'm not crazy, I swear. -smacks lips. Nigga don't act like you don't do that.

I really should clean my room. Ugh. It's a WRECK. :( I have paper and clothes everywhere. This is NOT gangster, at all. My dad's going to walk in my room like, wth? I'll probably clean tomorrow. Eh, don't look forward to that.

-screams

Go Jay, go Jay, it's your birthday. I'm listening to Jay's latest single from By Any Means Necessary. I'm all bobbing and shit, lol. Shit is hot. Damn Jay, you don't wear Du-rag's do you? Lol, you would look stupid in one. You're cute showing your curly locks. Spending a grand or two on a bitch and her crew? Jay, I know I've taught you better than that. We don't spend money on these hoes. How many time must I tell you this? But yea, Capone, you're fire, kid.

I hacked into my phone the other day. Eh, couldn't help it. But this new interface on my phone. Shit is hot. I love my phone. :) She's my baby. Nigga like, "Oh shit, is that the Wing?" "Yea." "How much you want for it?" Nigga what? If you're not talking a grand, I'm not selling it, period. My bookie's not for sale, so quit asking. :)

PAUSE!

So me and Jay have this Photoshoot for By Any Means Necessary on Sunday, right? Lol, this guy is a clown..

jay.: AND SUP ON SUNDAY, GUHLLL?!
chmy *: So far all systems go.
chmy *: :)
jay.: Okay, I'ma come get you at like...
jay.: 2ish.
jay.: Because we have this photoshoot at 3ish.
chmy *: Where are we going again? Lol
jay.: And I want you to come along for that.
jay.: I won't rape you or kill you or anything.
chmy *: LMAOOO
jay.: Right now, it looks like we'll be downtown.
chmy *: None of the alleys... right..
jay.: Nawwwll, no alleys.
jay.: All open spaces.
jay.: Plenty of people around.
jay.: And I'll give you a bullhorn.
jay.: You you can scream if something is wrong.
chmy *: Mhm..
chmy *: Nigga. You sound like the kind of nigga that preys after poor unexpecting children.
chmy *: "You know me, right? We're friends remember? You know I wont hurt you..."
jay.: LMAOOOO!
jay.: THATS HOW THEY BE.
jay.: HOW YOU KNOW
jay.: I WAS
jay.: DOING THAT?!
jay.: :((
chmy *: LMAOOO!

- cries

Jay's going to rape me. :(. I can feeeeeeel it. - sighs. I'm not even going to be able to defend myself. He's big and strong. And I'm all tiny. Mm... stupid ho.

That's all for tonight kiddies. It's been fun 100th posting for you. Time for me to go wrap my hair, and go bug somebody's son. Have a goodnight!

- deuce

AYONIGGAWHAT!?

2008-05-20T11:41:00.002-04:00

Daddy will be home tomorrow.
School will be officially over next Friday.
I'll be a High School Senior in one week.
This summer is going to be stupid fun.
EGO is on it's way back.
This will be my last High School Summer break of my life.
Hopefully Daddy will let me drive the Charger.
When I turn 17, if all goes well I'll have my license.

The world will be mine this summer.
PERIOD.

Yo, kids.

2008-05-19T00:28:00.004-04:00

BlackSmith

Go. Listen.
I'm late, so?
In case there's anybody as late as me on this album, check it out.

Talib > Most mainstream Hip Hop.

Older Posts.

Me List.

2008-05-18T15:02:00.003-04:00

Okay, this is a list of things I need to do, sooner or later.

Ahem, here we go.

1. Piercings: Nose, Ear cartilage (both ears), Contemplating Labret peircing. I heard mouth piercings can cause gum disease. =\
2. Get a meaningful tattoo. Something with a deep meaning, very symbolic. I'll think of something. Wings are still on the head.
3. Meet Lupe Fiasco in person. Since I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to make it to the Glow in the Dark tour, I have to plan on it for the future. It WILL happen. No Giggles, straight face.
4. Get a two bedroom apartment after I graduate from college. I'll work my ass off, I don't care. It can happen during my 4 years, I don't really care. Just as long as I get one, I'll be fine.
5. Get a steady job for the summer, making good money. I need it, really.
6. Convince my daddy to get me a nice car. I don't need a lambourgini, just something nice, that drives well, and that's good on gas. Although, the four door green Jeep wouldn't be bad either. :)
7. Graffiti a wall, and not get caught. That shit would be the best. Oh, and have one of my friends take a picture of me doing it. When I do it, I'll be sure to show you guys.
8. Buy a DSLR. Oh my God. If I get one of those this summer, it's OVER. Ugh. I swear I'm going to take pictures every hour of the day.
9. Jump out of a plane, w/ a parachute of course. :) I'm going to make somebody go with me. I want to take pictures while I'm falling, too.
10. Go back to Hawaii, but with my boo. :) Whoever that guy is.
11. Get my license. Psh, that should have been number 1. I turn 17 in August. Hopefully I can convince my mom to sign off for me so I can go and take my rode test. A nigga feels like she went to drivers training for nothing.
12. Get Fluent in French, then Spanish, and then Japanese. I'll at least be fluent in French by the time I'm 21.
13. Go to Tokyo, Japan. Yes, oh God yes.
14. Be on the Real World. Do you know how long I've been wanting to get on that show? Watch out for me on MTV, real talk.
15. Finally learn how to play my guitar. It just sits there, and collects dusts. Is that justice? NO ITS NOT!
16. Get back into playing the piano. I used to be a dog ass pianist in elementary school. I need to go back for lessons again.
17. Go to the studio with one of my rapper friends. :) I just want to watch, oh and take pictures. I don't have to go in the booth, but shit.. I could, that is of course, if you want the track to be fire, you know?
18. Finish collecting the rest of the new US quarters. I got about 10 more to go.
19. Figure our what YKK on zippers means. =\
20. Buy some new Cartier earings, the ones I have now are getting kind of old.
21. Start running track again. I miss my track body. You know, the tight muscles.. thighs, booty, yea, all that. Shit is sexy. I might run summer track, but I don't really know yet. We'll have to see.
22. Go to Victoria Secrets and cash out. I mean spend some serious dollars in that joint. Nothing is better than Victoria Secret bras. NOTHING.

Mm, that's it for now. I'll come up with more later.

-two fingers

Aye..

2008-05-18T14:13:00.001-04:00

I need to go shopping.
You know, boost my self esteem and shit.

Yea, it's about that time.

So..

2008-05-17T22:25:00.004-04:00

Nigga mode > On
Cuffing > All System's Go

I'm Back.
Did you miss me?

ha, really though?

2008-05-17T19:01:00.003-04:00

You know what I realized today? Somethings never change.
Wow.
I'm speechless as far as that goes.

- shrugs.

Besides my headaches, today was an okay day. I did my hair last night, OH GAWD. It feels so good to be able to rub my scalp again. If I can get someone to rub my scalp in the next 72 hours, I'll be in heaven. HINT HINT. Anywaaaaaays. How are you niggas? Are you good? Oh, no? Too bad. Idc.

No long blog for you guys today, sorry. :( I haven't been able to get myself to write a really long one lately. Oh well, I guess that means I'm boring. =\ Psh, yea right.. Nigga get out. You know what? Flav is actually kind off hot. I thought I'd never say that.. but he's not that bad. Maybe it's his personality? Eh, I don't know. Maybe it's the dark skin thing again. If you're dark skinned, you get an automatic +10 pts. Ahh, I love the darkies.

Well, I'm done.
=)

- P&L

ugh.

2008-05-15T21:06:00.004-04:00

- stretches; yawns

Mm. So I wake up from my nap, hop on Facebook, and you know what I see? Hmm!?

Wtf? Lol. Nigga. Huh?

He popped up in my mind a few days ago, but damn, kid. Lmao. Putting my whole government out there, huh? Ha ha. You miss me. Ha ha, told your ass a long time ago this would happen. Ha ha, you can't get me. Ha ha. Eh, childish, I know.. But shit, When a girl leaves a relationship, where she puts up with thousands of shitloads of shit, when you try to kick her to the curve, the words, "You're going to miss me when I'm gone." are words that you will truly remember. Now it's coming to life, sucks, doesn't it? You had it good, too good. Better than anybody probably has had it so far. You just happened to catch me in my "Naive" and "Love Stupid" age. Haha, I'm smart now. Damn, I used to be a dumbass. -sigh. He sent a message too, I told him he could call me if he wanted. I hope he doesn't get the wrong idea.

Ehh, men.
=\

Oh, and guess what I found in my stash of pictures..?

( click to see full size)

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwe! :) I laughed as soon as I saw it. This was like, Feb. 06? Awe man. Memories are the best, I swear. The picture is all, jacked up, LOL. But it was still cute, though. Ah, I'm getting old. This has to be one of the gayest things he's ever did.

Okay, I'm going to go study for my Algebra Test now.

-peace & love.

for me..

2008-05-14T18:22:00.003-04:00

There's another one deleted.
I don't want your sympathy, sorry.

- creams

2008-05-11T23:21:00.004-04:00

http://www.htc.com/UK/

two words...

moist. panties.

[giggles]

2008-05-11T13:11:00.002-04:00

Blue Eye'd White Dragon, huh?

Mmm..

RAWR.

lets disappear

2008-05-08T23:32:00.002-04:00

I want to be an X-man. =\
And have powers, and stuff, you know?
Like, you know Angel? That nigga is beautiful. Have you seen his wings?
UGH.

I'd kill for those.
But if I had one I'd have to pick, it would be Mystique.
I mean look at her. No homo, the bitch has sexy appeal - well
up until she got her powers zapped. Now she's all, normal and shit.
But yea, the mutant Mystique, she's hype nuts.

I want to move. Like, right now. I'm tired of Detroit. Period. Point. Blank.
How many times have I said this? Lol. There's is absolutely no reason I should stay here.
None whatsoever. I want to be the new person on the block, you know? The chick everybody see's and is like, "Oh shit, who is she?" "Oh, I don't know. She just moved here from Detroit." "Detroit? Oh, watch out for her, she might shoot you." LMAO. I want people to think that when they first see me, so I can show them how wrong they are. Yes, thats it.

I've been daydreaming all day, scratch that, all night. My iPods helped a lot with that, though. Oh God. I don't know how I survived without that thing for a month. [ kisses iPod ] I missed it. :(
I think every teenager to adult needs an iPod, or some kind of Mp3 player. We should be born with them. Like, when you're a baby, and you fall out your mothers vagina, an iPod should fall out with you. =\. True story.

Fucking Allergies are bugging the shit out of me. I been sneezing all day. :( And when I sneeze, my throat itches, and I have to make that nasty throat scratching noise. I was in class like, "Oh, God, please don't let me sneeze..." Ugh. I drew Mykel today in my sketchbook. Drawing people has to be my favorite things to draw. It looked just like him, too. Lol. I love that boy. Ole, affectionate ass.

"Put something on they mind, give em lines to remember.."

You know who I miss? Julia Chanel Adora Greenlaw. My baby sister. I haven't seen her in... wow a year. It was the last time daddy was home. I need to see her before she forgets who I am. She's so damn smart, she probably still knows, lol. I hope so. Cute ass. Little kids are amazing, I swear. Dude, why does time go by so fast? Unforgiving is what it really is. Time goes on no matter if you're here or not. Being able to control time would be nice too, you know.. as a power and stuff.

My mom keeps asking me what's wrong with me. "You're not your usual chippery self. Where's that little happy girl I've known for so long". I'm like, "She's on Hiatus." =\ . I appreciate her concern, it does show that she cares at least. Blah, what am I saying, she's my mother, she's supposed to care. Whatever. My throat hurts, stupid allergies.

I want to go awaaaaaaaaaaay!
GOD!
What am I wasting my time here for!?
...

I'm so impatient.

I want to leave. Walk right out, and never turn back, damnit. All by myself. Well, me and a few other things. I hate feeling trapped up somewhere, this shit is retarded. Me and Ryan was on the phone a few nights ago, and we were talking about the tattoo I was thinking about getting, a year from now btw. =\. I might end up changing my mind by then, but whatever, I'm thinking ahead. But he saw it, he's like "I guess you're supposed to be an angel or something." I'm like huh? Not at all. I had to explain to him that the symbolism of the wings had nothing to do with being an "Angel". I'm far from one of those. I'm not pure enough to be an Angel. I explained to him that the wings represent freedom, and un-boundness, if that's a word. It's symbolic not of Angel's and purity, but of being free spirited - hence the wings. Whenever I want to escape, I can fly away. That's what it means. Hopefully later I can earn my real wings.

I swear it looks like I'm getting smaller and smaller everyday. This shit is scary. If I get down to 130, I'm going to eat until I explode. =\. I haven't been 130 lbs in I don't know how long. Hopefully it's just stress. I can handle stress, not well, but I can deal with it. Being stress-free feels so good. I miss that feeling. When you're little, you don't stress about shit. You can't, lol, you have nothing to complain about. Very little responsibility. I kinda miss those days.

I have so much that I want to give, but don't know who wants to take it, and appreciate it.
-sigh

-until tomorrow

from me to you

2008-05-08T20:38:00.005-04:00

*edit

I wrote something. But Its gone now.

oooooh shit.

2008-05-07T22:16:00.002-04:00

=|

this is how I feel.

WTF?

I need my balls back. I can't get jiggy with this shit, lmao.
ESAU LA'ROI DAVIS.
Refrain from ever telling me "No" ever again, okay?

maybe.

2008-05-07T18:31:00.003-04:00

Jay told me I needed to hurry up and post so you guys wouldn't be able to see my nakedness anymore. Sorry, Jay.

You know what? Getting emotionally involved with people sucks. Did you know that? No? Okay, well, I'm telling you. I knew this already though. I knew the chances I was taking when I decided to get involved in this. Soooo, it's my fault, right? I knew. I knew it all. And guess what else? I'm paying the price of it all. Sometimes I wish I didn't care, you know? Like, have you ever just wanted to not care about something so that it wouldn't bother you? Yea, caring sucks too. I wish I could be as nonchalant as you are. Then, I wouldn't care, and nothing would bother me. I wish things were like they were before, you know, back before I even knew who you were, because then, I wouldn't care, because I wouldn't know you. But I know you, and it bothers me. Maybe I care too much? Maybe I want too much? What do you think? Maybe I'm asking too much? Maybe I'm some insane female, who asks for the world and everything beyond that? Maybe you're not obligated to give me any of what I want? Maybe you're not obligated to give me any of what I need? Maybe I should stop complaining? Maybe I should act like I don't care? Tried that, up, need a plan B. What if I don't have a plan B? Let's try not thinking about you. Oh shit, tried that too, huh? Maybe you're not my boyfriend? Maybe I want you to be? Maybe we were screwed from the start? Maybe I'm confused. But what if I'm not as ready as I want to be? Then maybe I need closure. Maybe I'm bad for you, you know, not something you need. Perhaps I don't want what I really want because it's too close to what I want? Maybe I want you. Damn, you know what's really funny. I typed "you" without even meaning too, like seriously. Maybe this is Gay, and I should stop. Maybe this won't phase you.

Whatever.

spread your wings, and fly away

2008-05-06T22:23:00.006-04:00

Sooooooooo...

Personally, I like the first two more, but I kinda like the second ones too. I have to add more detail to the first one, and It will look even better. But yea, I'm feeling it. Oh, and stop looking at my crack, thanks.
:)

older posts.

rock steady.

2008-05-06T20:46:00.003-04:00

I'm losing weight. Not good, not good at all. I don't know if I need to eat more, or if it's just from stress. [ heavy sigh ]. What's a girl to do? My grades are increasing slowly, which I guess is good. I just wish they would go up faster. Algebra, French, and Chemistry are getting slowly to where I want them to be. That's a relief. At least something is going right. You know what's funny about my life? When one thing is doing really good, there's that other area that sucks. "If it isn't one thing, it's another." That is too true.

Oh, I did I tell you my recent problem? I need somewhere to go this summer. No Disney folks. I'm not eligible. Do you know you have to be graduating from high school this year to go? How Gay is that? Ugh. I'm still going to try and go to Atlanta for that week art program, but I don't even know if I want to go to Atlanta for college anymore. My councilor made a good point, why go to Atlanta for your major when Chicago and New York are areas that capitalizes off this kind of work. I was like.. "Uhhh..". I initially used to think about going to school in Chicago or New York, but the cost of living is stupid expensive. I guess I shouldn't let something like that stop me, but I mean still. And plus, it's cold in Chicago and New York. :( I wanted to go somewhere warm. I had planned on getting far away from Detroit, and I'm sorry, Chicago isn't far enough. Don't get me wrong, Chicago is really nice, but I'm not ready for a winter there. And NEW YORK? Nigga, I'll be poor in New York, lol. I'll buy myself out a college tuition, and a home. =\. Then I thought about California, too. But again, the cost of living is crazy high. I'm going to be a college student, I'll be broke as it is. I'll have to talk to my daddy about it, and see what he says. And oh yea, Florida is still an option. My uncle doesn't recommend it though, he like, "Sun and beaches? You're born and raised in Detroit. China, we don't have sun and beaches in Detroit." Lol. I hate him. He thinks I'll be off focus. He might be right, ugh. You know what? I'm a wishy washy prick. As soon as I think I know what I want to do in life, it changes. This is very frustrating.

I'm thinking about adding another self portrait to my portfolio in Art class. We need 12 pieces, and I'm pretty sure I don't have that many, lol. At least not 12 finished pieces. I have an idea of what I'm going to do. Oh, I have a tattoo idea I'm thinking of too. I want to Photoshop it first to see how I like it on my body. I have to draw it up. If I do get it, I need to be absolutely sure that it's what I want. It's going to cost a lot, too. I'm still going to bug my mom about my getting my nose pierced. Sorry Sheila, you're not getting out of this one.

It needs to rain tonight, like thunderstorm and everything. It can be sunny in the morning, I just want it to storm tonight. Oh, Ace says I can buy love on Ebay. No luck, kid. I guess I'll have to look somewhere else, huh?

I think I've let you hear me write for long enough for one night. Ha, hear me write. I like that.

-pushing forward with or without your help

So, we're back here again, huh?

2008-05-05T20:17:00.003-04:00

Today started off as an okay day. Nothing really major. Art was okay. I asked Mykel who he was going to Prom with next year. He said, "You." I was like "Oh, forreal?" Lol. So we talked about colors and what not. I know, it's a little early to be thinking about Prom, but whatever.

You know what? My stomach was hurting very badly earlier, glad it stopped. I'm really irritated, too. I wish Myles would stop trying to buy me. He thinks he can flash all these 100 dollar bills in my face like it impresses me. Look guy, I can't be bought, sorry. He thinks I have a boyfriend too, I just laughed. You should hear some of the lines this guy comes up with. I just nod my head. Sorry, kid. I know what kind of guy you are, you're not my type.

You know what else? Twanasty asked me to hang with him today. Go figure, right? I had to decline though, I have 3 tests tomorrow, and hanging out with that guy was out of the question. Maybe another time, bro.

Oh, if you were wondering about the song, it's another Ace & Capone hit. ChiZe on the first verse, and Ace on the rest. Guess what? Khloe came up to me today like "I'm glad you put me up on that Ace da Vinci guy. I was listening like [ bobs her head ]. See? See how much I help promote you clowns? You're lucky to even be aquainted with me, lmao. Let me stop. But yea, they love you guys, real talk.

Yo, I need love, kay? I'm talking, that good shit. You know? That make you feel happy all the time type love. I'm pretty affectionate, actually. Affectionate niggas need lots of Love. Somebody, somewhere, can I have some Love? Just a little bit will do, for now. Just to hold me over for a while? Yea, that's it. Speaking of Love, do you know what this nigga Fred told me? We were talking about money, or something like that.. He's like, "But you know what's free though?" .. I'm like. "Please don't say Love, because it's not even close." "Oh. Well, my Love is free baby." Nigga, WHAT!? Gtfo, right now. I have a thing about that. Nigga, if we not tight like that, don't call me baby, okay? Especially if you can't say it right. Understand? But anyway, back to me. Yes, Love. I need it. I need to feel it. Matter of fact, smother me with it. Are you listening? Yes, you. I want it. I want it.. now. Lol. It's that time of year, that's what it is. See what the Spring and Summer do to a nigga?

My mom and Amiri's mom were on the phone earlier. -sigh It's getting closer and closer. I think I'll probably cry when it happens. Cry like a little biotch. But damn, can you blame me? I've been with the girl since 5th grade. You can't just take somebody thats close to me away like that, and expect there not to be any problems. They're out this boy after finals. I'm really going to miss them - all of them. I'll visit and what not though, I love them too much not to.

I miss my daddy. He'll be home in a few weeks, yay.. right? Nigga, can you say shop time? Lol, but no, really. I really miss him. My uncle is supposed to be flying in from California, too. So everybody will be here. Coolbeans.

Ughh..
You know what I've aways believed? Karma. Yes. Karma is a bitch indeed. She will rob your ass dry with no remorse. Remember that for me, okay?

I'm ready for the summer to get here. I'm ready for all of it. Everything summer has to do with, I'm ready for. I want the summer flings, fun, and ... freaks. Lmao, haaaaaa. I'm funny, right? Forreal, though. I need it to come sooner or la- no. The sooner the better. Dear Summer, why are you taking so long to come to me?

Mm, I'm better now. I actually was in a really bad mood before I started blogging, but I'm better now. I think I'll go call Ryan so he can cheer me up some more. He always finds a way to. Jay, too. Until he starts smoking, and pisses me off. I love you, Jay. :)

-two fingers.

Chronos

2008-05-04T11:46:00.003-04:00

This is my guard dog. Lurkers beware. He'll bite you in thee ass.

Hellooooo blogspot. How are you this lovely day? I'm good. I had my ballroom concert yesterday. I did good. My partner messed up a little bit, but it's all good, because we're sweet as nuts. See the dog up there? Please don't say that he's a pitbull, because he's not. He's an Dogo Argentino, and he only understands German. Speak english, and he'll look at you like you're stupid. His name is Chronos. (kroe - nos) He was huge balls, which makes him a manly man.

Going to lunch. I'll be back laterss
Peeeace.

by the numbersssss

2008-05-03T11:12:00.002-04:00

Goodmorning World.

I just got done getting ready for today or whatever. I have a lot to get done today, and I'm kinda getting a slow start. I've got tutoring from 12:30 - 1:30, Figure Drawing Class from 2:45 - 4:45, then I have to be at my school from 5:30 - 9. Packed afternoon, huh? It's Shaunte's birthday today, too. Too bad I'm not going to be able to do anything with them. :(

I'll probably try and find something to get into later, hopefully. I really don't want to stay home all night. Hehe. Who knows what the night may bring?

-outro til later on

el chavo

2008-05-02T22:15:00.002-04:00

Yooooooooooooooooo!

What's up, GUISE? Lol, haa, I'm going. Today was an ... okay day I guess. I got my outfit for the Spring Concert tomorrow. The skirt is mad cute. I'd like, actually wear it out and stuff. Black and white of course, so yeah. I'm watching the Spanish channel. Don't really know why. I can't understand a word they're saying. -shrugs Oh well.

I seen my uncle Kevin today. THAT NIGGA is hilarious. You know he didn't realize I was in the 11th grade? Nigga, where you been? We were talking about the old days, blah blah. He's like "Remember when you wanted to be like Allen Iverson?" [ I laughed ] niggas like, "Yea, I used to worry about that, LOL. I was hoping it was just a stage!" I'm like nigga what!? I know you didn't think I was going that route. Yea.. ya'll don't know, but I as one hell of a Tom-Boy in my day. Big shirts, cornrolls, blue jeans and sneakers. LOL. Yea, those days are over. I still have my moments of course. I may slip on a pair of baggy pants every now and then. BUT! MY SEXY REMAINS!

I'm boooooored. I think I'll call up one of my boy toys. :)

Hmm, surprisingly, I don't really have anything to blog about today. `Tis very strange. Wait, let me make sure I'm not forgetting anything. Oh, some of the trees on my street are dying. It's very sad, like really. I swear I wanted to cry for the poor trees. It's like three of them lined up next to each other - leafless. I'm like "Ma, look. Were those trees dead last year?" Ma: "Are they dead?" "Uh, yea. They don't have any leaves on them" Ma: "Only you would notice shit like that." She doesn't understand. :( Poor trees.

Okay, Fats on the phone. Bye. :)

i will be right there.

2008-05-02T00:35:00.000-04:00

So, I'm about 10 minutes from passing out. And I had the nerve to get mad at him for going to sleep. I'm about to fall right on top of this laptop.

I have a splitting headache, and just finished ass-loads of homework.
I'm going to sleep now.

Sorry, no food for thought for you tonight. Eh, in too much pain, lol.
Maybe tomorrow I'll decide to enlighten you.
:)

Goodnight.